Kevin: Given how much dancing there is in Heathers, Evelyn and I felt that we should bring on a choreographer. So, give a big Heathers "hello" to Riverdale’s very own Fly Girl, Toni Topaz!
[Everyone claps as Toni walks onto the stage]
Cheryl: Ummm … does anyone have a chainsaw? Because WHAT. THE. F…!

Kevin: Betty, last night was scary and fun ... cathartic. It felt euphoric like nothing I’ve ever felt.
Betty: That’s your point of view. I think my readers and your dad will have a different one.
Evelyn: You’re not publishing that article, Betty.
Betty: No?
Evelyn: Tell her why Kevin.
Kevin: If you do, we’ll tell everyone about the shady man your mom killed in the kitchen, and how you and Jughead dumped his car in Swedlow Swamp. And how Mr. Jones dissolved his body with lye in the woods.
Evelyn: Remember Betty, thanks to your mom, everyone at The Farm knows about your dirty secrets.
[Evelyn and Kevin leave. Betty slams her laptop shut]

Kevin: Well, there’s this guy and we’ve been having problems...
Cheryl: Moose, you mean?
[Kevin is stunned]
Cheryl: Please, I have eyes. I saw you lounging together at my pool party looking like a community theater production of the Talented Mr. Ripley. The Moose ship has been trouble from the gay get-go. Maybe it’s time you move on?
Kevin: I can’t go back to Fox Forest.
Cheryl: Oh, sullen tender-hearted Kevin. I’m not talking about cruising, I’m talking about Bumble.

Reggie: We were celebrating Fang’s arrest.
Archie: That’s not something to celebrate, you idiot. He didn’t do it.
Kevin: Archie, he had a knife on him.
Archie: Okay, we’re not having this argument, you guys. The Circle is officially disbanded.
Reggie: That’s not your decision to make, dude. You’re not the one paying us, Hiram is.
Archie: Wait, Mr. Lodge is paying you?
Reggie: Yeah. He’s the one that suggested we go out and have a little fun. He said you might’ve started The Dark Circle, but it was mine now.

Kevin: Okay, Veronica, I’m obsessed with everything that just happened.
Veronica: Thank you! It helps to be off-book and in full costume.
Betty: Don’t be so modest, you are the literally embodiment of Chris. Never has a role been perfectly typecast.
Archie: Betty!
Veronica: What was that, Betty?
Betty: I mean think about it: Spoiled rich girl, check. Major daddy issues, check. Bad to the bone, trying to control everyone around her, including her boyfriend and best friend. Check, check, check.

Kevin: I have a dark confession to make. After Cheryl’s brush with death this morning, I found a letter in my locker from someone alleging to be, and I can’t believe I’m about to say this, The Black Hood. It’s bad, just look.
[He shows Jughead and the camera the letter]
Kevin: Why would The Black Hood, who was shot dead by my dad, be demanding the role of Carrie be recast?
Jughead: Yeah, it does seem pretty small potatoes for The Black Hood.
Kevin: Still, Jug, you can’t tell anyone about it. As the official documentarian, you’re sworn to secrecy. Also, the show, as they say, must go on.

Cheryl: Kevin! I hear I’m back just in time for Carrie: The Musical, which you’re directing.
Kevin: You are. I’m having auditions this afternoon.
Cheryl: Cool. As far as the lead role is concerned, cancel them. I’m obviously Riverdale High’s Carrie White.
[She turns away to leave]
Cheryl: School’s gonna burn.

Midge: So, Kevin, who are you meeting at the movie? Some dreamboat?
Kevin: Oh, no, I don’t have a date. I’m just going to this gay rom-com alone.
Midge: What? No, no, that’s crazy! We need to find you someone. What about one of those new Southside guys? I hear one of them is gay.
Kevin: If it’s Fangs Fogarty, I don’t think I can date someone named “Fangs.”
Moose: I don’t know, he’s a good-looking dude.
Midge: Oh my God, please, what do you know you big lug?
[She playful shoves him]

Josie: Thank you, Mom and Sheriff Keller for coming to meet me and Kevin.
Kevin: We promise you this isn’t a trap.
Josie: It’s that, Kevin and I were talking after the movie and we thought...
Kevin: This conversation is bigger than two people. It’s bigger than the people in this booth, even.
Josie: And it’s probably going to be a long one. So, we should get started.
[Josie and Sierra hold hands]

Betty: These symbols look so familiar to me. It’s like I’ve seen them before and it’s driving me crazy I can’t figure out where.
Toni: Maybe if you loosened your ponytail?
[They all stare at her dumbfounded]
Toni: What? That was a joke, guys.
Kevin: Betty’s ponytail is iconic and beyond reproach.
Betty: Kev, it’s fine. At this point, I’m willing to try anything.
[She lets down her hair]

Kevin: Betty, what do you want from me?
Betty: I want you to have more respect for yourself than this.
Kevin: Respect for myself?
Betty: Yes.
Kevin: Look, we’ve been friends for a long time, but you still have no idea.
Betty: Well, then tell me, Kev, please!
Kevin: You act like we’ve got the same set of options. You live in this pale pink world of milkshakes and first kisses, and “Am I going to date Archie or Jughead?”
Cheryl: Except, for when she’s Dark Betty...
Kevin: Right! Right! Right! Except for when you’re exploring your BDSM sexuality, which again you’re allowed to do. But I’m not, because why? This is what I’ve got, Betty. Me, these woods, so please don’t come here and tell me it’s disgusting. If you can’t accept what I do, whatever I do then we’re just not really friends.
[Kevin leaves]

Betty: Put this on.
Archie: What?
Betty: Put it on.
[Archie puts on the jacket]
Archie: Betty, this is weird.
[Betty searches the jacket]
Betty: There's a hole in the pocket.
Kevin: Okay, now we're just grasping at straws.
Betty: Okay, no. I don't know about you guys, but whenever I have a hole in my jacket pocket, I always lose my chapstick in the lining.
Veronica: ...Or in my Monte-Blanc.
Betty: Hold on.
[She searches in the pocket and finds a USB]
Veronica: What the hell?
Kevin: Nancy Drew strikes again.

Casey Cott Quotes

Veronica: What the hell is a "Sticky Maple"?
Kevin: It's kinda what it sounds like. It's a Riverdale thing.
Veronica: No, Kevin, it's a slut-shaming thing. And I'm neither a slut nor am I going to be shamed by someone named, excuse me, Chuck Clayton! Does he really think he can get away with this? Does he not know who I am?! I will cut the brakes on his supped-up phallic symbol.

Kevin: Is it true what they say about your dad?
Veronica: That he's the devil incarnate? I stand by my father. Does everyone here know?
[Awkward silence]
Veronica: Wonderful! Ten minutes in and I'm already the "Blue Jasmine" of Riverdale High.