Zoey: You probably can’t tell, but this meal is just very tastefully presented takeout.
Max: Seriously, you didn’t prepare this tofu pad see ew and chicken leg?

Max: One, I once got into a street fight.
Mo: That’s the lie. Are we done?
Max: Can you just let me finish? It could be any one of them.
Mo: I don’t think it can.
Max: Two, I may have started hooking up with our friend.
Mo: Two, I’m well aware of that.
Max: Three, after 31 years on this earth, I have never once heard my father say, ‘I’m proud of you.’
Mo: Oh, you want to go there.

Hello, Max, just wanted to leave you a quick message to let you know I came in early to motivate the troops, so we can all be out by 5 and have sex. Well, we’ll be having the sex. The others I can almost guarantee will not.

Jenna: After living from Santa Fe to Seattle and struggling to find my way through the body art movement – which is like surprisingly political – I finally found a great life coach that got me to such a good place mentally that we started dating.
Emily: Wait, that guy Xander was your life coach. Isn’t that a professional no-no?
Jenna: Apparently not for Xander. He left me two months ago for his own life coach, but he did help me realize that I have so much love to give, and who better to give it to than my little sister and her stupidy-cute baby?
Emily: And we so appreciate it.

Maggie: What would make her life better right now?
Jenna: A really long vacation? A Swedish massage by two Swedish men? Copious amounts of illicit drugs?
Maggie: All good suggestions, but let’s keep walking. Maybe we can think of a few more things.

Leif: They all know it’s my screwup because I’m a bad manager.
Zoey: Listen, it is great that you want to do a good job, and it’s perfectly normal to make mistakes along the way. If you remember I was…
Leif: An awful manager for the first few months, yeah.
Zoey: Was gonna say weeks, but beating yourself up isn’t helping anybody. It’s just wasting time that we don’t have. So promise not to make the same mistake twice. Dust off your slim-fitting chinos and keep moving forward.
Leif: OK, thank you. They’re a skinny cut taper.

Zoey: I needed this.
Max: Me too.
Zoey: No, I mean we have been hooking up for the last five minutes, and I haven’t even thought about my dad once.
Max: Yeah, maybe we should keep not thinking about him. Come here.
Zoey: What I mean to say is this is a nice distraction, you know, after living in heaviness for so long. I could really use a brief vacation, if that makes sense.
Max: Oh, that makes sense, and I’m happy to be your distraction, multiple times. If that’s what it takes.
Maggie: Who’s ready for “House Hunters”? Oh, Max, you’re in here. It’s great. Boys are allowed in here. I mean you’re a man, obviously, which is also great.
Zoey: Mom, do you think we could take a raincheck on TV night?
Maggie: Of course, of course. Have some popcorn in case you work up an appetite for whatever reason. I’m just going to turn the TV up so I can’t hear anything. I was never hear. Bye.
Zoey: Um, so where were we?
Max: I think back in junior high.

Zoey: Can we talk about something else?
Maggie: OK, did you and Max finally do it?
Zoey: That’s not exactly the conversation I had in mind, and could you be a little less comfortable talking about my sex life?
David: Ooh, are you talking about Zoey’s sex life?
Emily: Who was it? Max or Simon? Please say Simon.
David: But I feel like Max has put in so much more time.
Zoey: This family needs better boundaries.

Leif: So I know it might seem like we’re wasting time, but I’m just letting them blow off some steam. Studies show it helps with productivity.
Zoey: Well, I’m glad you’re embracing your new role as team manager, Leif, but how does a game called nut punch help with productivity?
Leif: I’ll try to get them to focus.

Danny Michael Davis: I’m sorry to interrupt your meeting. I know I’m not legally allowed to run the company right now, but there’s nothing stopping me from offering a little advice as a friend of the court who has a controlling ownership of everything. Now assuming the programmers will have a fix soon for this literal watch meltdown, we need to start coming up with a way to spin this to the media. Any ideas?
Tobin: Danny, it’s your boy Tobin Batra, coming at you from programming. What if we claim their video is a deep fake. Then we make our deep fakes of all of our competitors’ watches completely confusing the entire marketplace.
Danny Michael Davis: OK, get out, Tobin.
Tobin: What?
Danny Michael Davis: No, no, sorry, Zoey. I advise you to kick Tobin out.
Zoey: Would you like to get out Tobin?
Tobin: OK.

Zoey: Did your therapist’s strategy have something to do with America’s favorite pastime?
Max: Oh good, that’s what you’re supposed to be hearing. That means it’s working. Yeah, I only it’s totally an odd soundtrack for intimacy, but I picked a completely random and neutral song just to displace any other emotions.
Zoey: So, you’re literally thinking about baseball?

Mo: The last thing I want to do is drive you away too.
Max: Mo, that’s not going to happen. I mean every relationship is always a risk, and whatever problem we have, we can work out, contract or not. And if you do decide to screw me over, I will sick that red-headed neighbor on you, and you do not want her fury.