Younger
Thursdays on Paramount+Younger Quotes
Kelsey: I don’t talk when I look, which may not make very interesting or compelling viewing, which could result in lower ratings, but it’s just me.
Brett: No, no, you’re tender today.
Kelsey: Not at all. I’m just… I know this building, and there’s nothing under $2 million. I threw a party here on the penthouse for my company.
Brett: And your company is important to you, isn't it Kelsey? It’s lonely at the top.
Kelsey: I’m not lonely. I’m extremely popular, and you know what?
Brett: What?
Kelsey: No, no, I’m good. I’m not doing this.
Brett: Well, I may not be able to make all of your dreams come true, but how about this bookshelves? Your love of books is one thing I can satisfy. It’s like it was made for uh, I don’t know, say a young publishing exec who sometimes curls up with a novel to nurse a broken heart.
Kelsey: Hang on.
Brett: That’s one of your books, right?
Kelsey: Is this cut in half? What the hell is this?
Brett: It’s genius, right? You don’t want a big ole bookcase eating up floor space. Solution? Faux.
Kelsey: OK, I’m done. This whole show is insane. You haven’t shown me one apartment I can afford and now this?
Brett: This is aspirational TV. No one in America wants to see what you can afford.
Kelsey: You are just wasting my time, and guys, he’s wasting your time too. And just so you know America, I can do a lot better than a guy who talks about his cats and their many moods in between takes. And speaking of faux, that’s a sock in his pants. Wardrobe told me.
Kelsey: That was fun. My train’s down the corner.
Rob: Greg can take you anywhere you want, home or maybe dinner with a friendly book lover.
Kelsey: You dated Clare.
Rob: We broke up last month.
Kelsey: Oh, a whole 30 days.
Rob: Are you even close with Clare? What’s her last name?
Kelsey: Uh, something Irish, O’something, Mcsomething.
Rob: Oh nope, that’s what I thought. What if I called you tomorrow? Is 31 the magic number? Day 41? I can count really high.
Kelsey: It’s a hard pass. Thank you though.
Kelsey: You said this was going to be good for my brand, which is what now, exactly? Some desperate, thirsty Manhattan bulge hunter?
Lauren: Now that actually sounds like a show.
Maggie: Hey, what are you doing with that sign?
Man: Maggie Amato’s been canceled.
Maggie: You mean postponed.
Man: No, canceled and not just the show, the person. She’s canceled. Have you read what they’ve been saying about her on Twitter. Who are you?
Maggie: Nobody I guess.
Caitlin: Oh, that’s nice. Charles is doing the publisher thing and walking in with his author. Mom, are Quinn and Charles…
Liza: Yes, they are, uh, dating buddies, and thus, he naturally accompanies her unto gatherings.
Caitlin: She’s his rebound? Oh god, you should have told me. I never would have asked.
Liza: Then you wouldn’t have saved the day, right, and I wanted you to save the day.
Caitlin: I will try to hate her a little for you, but after tonight.
Liza: Don’t hate. I don’t even hate her.
Caitlin: Come on, mom. You’re only human.
Liza: Yeah, a human who needs a drink.
Caitlin: What happened?
Liza: He wanted to get married again, and I just didn’t.
Caitlin: Yeah, that’s a fast proposal. Must be an old guy thing. No time to lose before they head toward that light.
Liza: No, he’s just traditional.
Caitlin: Are you OK, mom? I mean you really loved him, and you still have to work with him.
Liza: It’s fine. We’re adults. I guess the only problem is…
Caitlin: Quinn Tyler. Is that Quinn Tyler?
Liza: Uh, right, yep, that is Quinn Tyler.
Caitlin: Have you read her new book? It’s amazing.
Liza: Honey, we published it.
Caitlin: Wait, so you know her? She would know your face?
Liza: Honey, she kinda would.
Caitlin: I gotta meet her. She’s my hero.
Liza: I just wanted to say thank you, and I don’t know, I wish I understood you better.
Quinn: Hell I don’t. I’ve written two books about me, and I can tell you, bitch is unpredictable.
Liza: No, I’m serious. I want to think that you’ve changed, and Charles obviously does, but you kind of built a trap for me the night of your book launch, and I fell into it. But are you that person or this one?
Quinn: You need to remember you were digging for dirt on me in order to get between me and Charles, so I had to play rough. I knew it didn’t look great, but when it comes to him, I’d rather save my ass than my face. Doesn’t he deserve that?
Liza: Yes.
Quinn: You may not know me, but I know who you are. You’re Maria von Trapp. You’re sweetness and light and pillow fights and guitars, and I am not just that. Whether I like it or not, I’m the baroness, and no one roots for the baroness. What they always forget is the baroness loved the captain. She loved him very much. Good night, Liza.
Cass: We have to clear up a little problem first.
Maggie: I thought we did.
Cass: Not the boobs, the tweets. Have you seen these?
Maggie: Well, I don’t pay attention to the critics. Not true artist does.
Cass: They’re not critics. They’re students apparently and quite angry. You don’t want effigies burning in the quad. Believe me, they made one of me last year over the tuition increase. Not flattering. I was in a plaid suit.
Maggie: I read one or two of them. They’re completely ridiculous. Inappropriate? How am I inappropriate?
Cass: You got to be careful. These kids are incredibly woke, and your work goes all the way back to the ‘90s. Just think, there could be other skeletons in your closet, and what about the Halloweens?
Maggie: What Halloween?
Cass: There have been a lot of Halloweens. Look, I’m your ally here, but if the students turn on you…
Maggie: It’s one or two tops. Maybe they don’t like Italians. I’m the one who should be angry.
Liza: Are you OK? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.
Charles: I did kind of. Ian Clark just BRB’d me.
Liza: That’s not how you say it.
Charles: My past is coming back to haunt me.
Cass: She can’t keep her hands off you.
Maggie: We’re new. You know how it is.
Cass: I don’t. I don’t. Camila and I never really had a honeymoon period. Didn’t do much on the honeymoon either. Between you and me, she has trouble finishing.
Maggie: I’m so sorry to hear that.
Cass: I try and I try, and she says it’s not me, but it didn’t help that when we first hooked up I accidently stuck my finger in her butt and she screamed, ‘Wrong hole.’
Maggie: Oh boy. I hope you told that story at the wedding.
Cass: I sometimes think she should outsource if I don’t satisfy her.
Maggie: That’s really open of you.
Cass: Then I think about that woman, and I want to kill. I think about the two of them together. I want to kill them both.
Maggie: Look, I’m so sorry, OK.
Cass: For what? Your problematic show about trans women I was forced to defend, or that the whole class saw my wife’s breasts?
Maggie: The second one.
Cass: Maybe you’re not a good fit here after all.
Maggie: Wait, I can explain. Camila was texting me her you know because we’re doing a sculpture for you of her bust. And it was supposed to be a surprise for your anniversary.
Cass: That was last month.
Maggie: Which makes it even more of a surprise.
Cass: Fine, fine, all of this has been very distressing, but it’s not grounds to fire you, so let’s just forget it and move on.
Charles: You’re a lot taller than your dad, aren’t you?
Topher: Yeah, I’m pretty much taller than the rest of family. Don’t look like my dad’s side either.
Liza: Oh, why do you think that might be?
Topher: Well, if you knew my mom back then, you might have heard a rumor that she slept with some lobster boat townie. She got pretty wild.
Charles: Your mother, I find that hard to believe. She’s such an old-fashioned woman.
Topher: The only thing old-fashioned about my mom is how much she likes to drink them. Can I ask you something?
Charles: Shoot.
Topher: Are we here to talk about my mom’s infidelity, or are we trying to figure out how to make some cash on my dad’s estate?
