Will: I'm done complaining that things used to be better. They weren't. I know they're not great now but we do have a lot to be thankful for.
Grace: We should have faith that it will get better.
Jack: The arc of history is long but it always bends towards justice.
Will: I'm guessing you dated a guy named Justice?
Jack: And we called my penis the arc of history.

Grace (as Fanny): What do you think's going on? It sounds like they're praying.
Karen (as Caroline): Aye. I bet someone's on his knees.

Look, I know it's tough being an immigrant. Irish, Italian, Jews, no picnic being women either, but this country is built on letting more people enjoy its great freedoms, not keeping people down. It may take longer than it should but we always get it right, eventually.

Grace (as Fanny)

Will: Look at these picture of old New York. Can you imagine how great Christmas was back then? Horse drawn carriage rides and carols sung by candlelight. You'd walk down the street and say, “Merry Christmas, Sir.” And he'd say, “Same to you. I like the shape of your mustache.” And I'd say, “I like yours too.”
Jack: Wow, you didn’t even have gay game a hundred years ago.

It's not going to snow. There's no such thing as miracles. Christmas is for spoiled rich kids, and Santa's just another old, white, perv we once trusted.

Will: Let's go home.
Grace: No, Will, no. If we don't maintain our Christmas Eve tradition then we'll be forced to spend more time with our family and that's just not what Christmas is about.

Will: How did it go?
Jack: I've never been so humiliated without specifically asking for it.

Jack: No, I can't. I can't be around her when she's grieving. That scares me.
Will: You just told a church full of Catholics that you and Rosie remained pure until you presented your flower to each other on your wedding night. You can do anything.

Nice detective work. You put the Nancy in Nancy Drew.

Karen: Jack, where the hell are those books of magic spells?
Jack: Crap, I forgot to put out the bibles?

Rosario and I were once husband and wife. I loved her as much as a gay man forced to marry a woman to get her green card could.

Jack

Sorry I'm late but I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Karen