Weeds

Weeds Quotes

Season 7 Episode 13: "Do Her/Don't Do Her"

Nancy: I’m getting a do-over. I’m going to make it count.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Well that’s what we do, we f**k up. And then we try to fix it and we f**k it up some more. And we do it the most with our family because that’s the safest place to practice. But that’s the s**t that makes you a man.
 • Rating: Unrated

Nancy: You’re a coward. You’ve always been a coward.
Jill: Cowards have a funny way of being awarded custody.
 • Rating: Unrated

Silas: She’s never going to forgive me.
Andy: First things first, you need to apologize. Good Lord and Creator made us fellable creatures. And who knows, maybe it’ll all be fine. Maybe she wont lose Stevie. She’ll probably lose Stevie but she’d kill Jill first. Maybe she’d have Shane do it.
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Andy: Our family is breaking apart.
 • Rating: Unrated

Heylia: Get out.
Nancy: Heylia, it was all a big misunderstanding. None of it was Silas’s fault. Please don’t cut him off.
Heylia: I learned that you and your son are one in the same. And I’ve had enough.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dean: OMG we're being mugged by Sarah Palin.
Heylia: We're being jacked.
Dean: There's a difference?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 7 Episode 12: "Qualitative Spatial Reasoning"

Silas: You know how I said the only two things she really cares about are her business and herself? There’s one other thing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: No, no, I’m not a taker of sides. I float in the ambiguous middle ground. Still beloved, my relationships unsullied. Once you two idiots get past this little kafuffle…I don’t get involved.
 • Rating: Unrated

Shane: Let me ask you something, did he ever hit you? Did he ever tell you were s**t? Fondle your balls? Then quit acting like moody emo d**khole. Mitch may be may be a self hating alcoholic mess but he loves the crap out of you. Let him back into your life or I swear to God I’ll come to fagitty track meets and take a bat to your knee cap.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Demetri: Now let's have angry sex on the kitchen counter.
Nancy: Timing, Demetri.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: I kind of want to touch his bicep, like once. Why is that?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Andy [on Nancy]: She values 8 percent of me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Shane: Ask me why I'm like a musician.
Nancy: Why are you like a musician?
Shane: Because I'm playing that detective like a fiddle!
 • Rating: Unrated

Shane: Let him back into your life or I'll come to one of your faggoty track meets and take a bat to your kneecaps.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 7 Episode 11: "Une M're Que J'aimerias B****r"

Andy: Fleecing New York’s upper crust while they’re on vacation is a Botwin family tradition.
 • Rating: Unrated

Silas: You had Emma arrested.
Nancy: Emma had Emma arrested.
Silas: That's bulls**t.
Nancy: That's business.
 • Rating: Unrated

Nancy: Une M're Que J'aimerias Baiser. It's french, for MILF.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Well France makes good wine. I think it's the soil. Or the water. Or the alcohol.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Long Island Iced Teas are delicious. What's in them?
Nancy: Everything.
 • Rating: Unrated

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