Woman of America stop recording yourself having sex. It always gets out there. This is my PSA.

Stassi

Katie: Let's talk about how your dick doesn't work!
Schwartz: Whaaat? My dick works great.

What are these, like, mid-thirty year old women doing with a fucking douchebag 24-year-old DJ?

Scheana

I'm playing at your local Applebee's, come and check me out.

Jax

Wedding planner: Have you thought about how you're going to pair everyone?
Tom Schwartz: Make Jax walk with all of the girls he has slept with at once?
Katie: That would be half of my bridal party.
Tom Schwartz: Jax will probably try to sleep with you, just to give you a heads up.

How did we meet? I think we just got drunk and had sex.

Tom Schwartz

I'm worried Katie is going to want a Lisa Vanderpump wedding on a Tom and Katie budget.

Tom Schwartz

Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 5 Quotes

How did we meet? I think we just got drunk and had sex.

Tom Schwartz

I'm worried Katie is going to want a Lisa Vanderpump wedding on a Tom and Katie budget.

Tom Schwartz