The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons

Sideshow Bob: Ah, Mr. Simpson, you're forgetting the first two noble truths of the Buddha.
Homer: I am not!

Her only hopes were a clucky young boy and his slow-witted father.

Bart

Papa Dinosaur: Would you turn off that Rock and Rock music?
Baby Dinosaur: Hey, don't have a Stegosaurus, man!
Lisa: These talking dinosaurs are more real than most real families on TV!
Homer: Look Maggie, they have a baby too!

Enclosed is a photo of us on a bike. I forget which one I am.

Selma

Sideshow Bob: Selma, would you mind if I did something bold and shocking in front of your family?
Selma: All right, but no tongues.
Sideshow Bob: Although kissing you would be like kissing some divine ashtray, that's not what I had in mind. Selma, will you marry me?
Bart: Don't be a fool, Aunt Selma. That man is scum.
Selma: Then call me Mrs. Scum.

Sideshow Bob: Bart, I must know. How did you untangle my web?
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, Bart, pull us in!
Bart: Well, I'd hate to tell the number one cop in town how to do his job.
Chief Wiggum: No, no, please. It's the only way I'll learn.

(vision test at the DMV)
Hans Moleman: A, G, Q, 7.
Selma: Close enough. May you drive safely, and find true love.

If he was going to commit a crime, would he have invited the number one cop in town? Now where did I put my gun? Oh yeah, I set it down when I got a piece of cake.

Chief Wiggum

Bart: Aunt Selma has one hour to live!
Homer: Hey, down in front!

Homer: Marge, you're standing in the way of my boyhood dream of managing a beautiful country singer.
Marge: You're boyhood dream was to eat the world's biggest hoagie and you did it at the county fair last year, remember? (Marge holds up a photo of homer eating a giant hoagie)

Marge, it takes two to lie...one to lie and one to listen.

Homer

This is K-U-D-D 570 AM. Hey, don't touch that dial, you've got KUDD on it.

DJ
Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 489 in total

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

Smithers: What's wrong sir, did I get some in your eye? The Shampoo specifically said, "No more tears!"
Mr. Burns: Ah, lovely promise but, one beyond the powers of a mere shampoo.

Apu: Did you notice that there is a kid on your bus?
Otto: Glad you told me. I was about to go to Mexico.

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