Herb: Lady, you just gave me the idea of a lifetime! How do I thank you?
Woman: Please don't hurt me.
Herb: Consider it done.

(On his back, holding Maggie up) The pitch is insufficient for "burp me", and this jigsaw motion is something I've never(Maggie throws up on him) Eureka.


Lisa: Why didn't you write Unckie Herb?
Herb: Hey, if I wrote to you what was I suppose to say? "Dear Lisa, last night I used a rat for a pillow thanks to your pop?"

I used to be rich. I owned Mickey Mouse massage parlors and those Disney sleaze balls shut me down. I said "Look, I'll change the logo, put Mickey's pants back on." Some guys you just can't reason with.


Alright, a peanut!

</i> Barney

Homer: Herb, this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe we blew 2,000 bucks on it when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks.
Herb: Homer, could you stop thinking about your ass?!
Homer: I tried, but I can't.

Herb: Maggie...who brought me my fortune. I'll give you anything you want in the world
Maggie: -(machine)- I want what the dog's eating
Herb: I'll get you something nice.

Samantha: How do we know when we fall in love?
Kraboppel: Oh, don't you worry. Most of you will never fall in love and marry out of fear of dying alone.

Will I pass my English test? .... Outlook not so good. Wow, it does work.


Millhouse: Bart, I don't want you to see me cry.
Bart: Oh come on, I've seen you cry a million times. You cry when you scrape your knee, you cry when they're out of chocolate milk, you cry when you're doing long division and you have a remainder left over.

Skinner: Now It's never easy to come to a new school so let's make her feel right at home. Please say a big Elementary school hello to Samantha Stinky!
Samantha: Stanky.
Skinner: Oh, right....how embarrassing for you.

Samantha: All my friends are back in Phoenix and this town has a weird smell that you're all probably used to...but I'm not.
Edna: It'll take you about six weeks, dear.

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

Officer Eddie: (reading Steve Sax's license) Well well, Steve Sax, from New York City.
Officer Lou: I heard some guy got killed in New York City and they never solved the case. But you wouldn't know anything about that now, would you, Steve?
(Lou and Eddie laugh)
Steve Sax: But there are hundreds of unsolved murders in New York City.
Officer Lou: You don't know when to keep your mouth shut, do you, Saxxy Boy?

Dearest Edna, I must leave you. Why, I cannot say. Where, you cannot know. How I will get there, I haven't decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow it will whisper the name Edna. And so let us part with a love that will echo through the ages. ---Woodrow