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The-simpsons

Teachers should not be allowed to live near their students. We're natural enemies - like George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.

Bart

Ned, I have a confession to make, I may not have come here solely with the noble intention of getting drunk.

Homer

I still wear your bra.

Comic Book Guy

Homer: My doctor said don't walk.
Marge: That was a traffic signal!

Call me Delta Airlines, because I can't handle all your extra baggage.

Flanders

My email address is edna172. It's the lowest number I could get.

Comic Book Guy

Bart: If fairytales have taught us anything, first wives are the best and second wives are terrible.
Homer: Just the opposite of real life.

That's right, I'm down to my wife blesser.

Ned

Edna: Those two boys of yours weren't delivered by the stork.
Flanders: Yes they were. We deliberately chose a Doctor Stork so we could say it without lying.

Did a volcano erupt in candy land, because I just caught me a flying red hot.

Flanders

You can never raise a hand to a child. Just stop cutting the crust off their sandwiches. They'll get the message.

Marge

We can handle the alcoholism, melted cheese in the microwave and, selling A's for cigarettes, but not laying a hand on a child.

Principal Skinner
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 203 in total

The Simpsons Season 22 Quotes

Lisa: Quiet. It's time for the noblest Nobel Prize of all.. the Peace Prize.
Homer: I would kill for that!

Homer: It's 4 am, you kids should have been in bed a half hour ago.
Lisa: We're watching the Nobel Prize announcement lives from Stockholm.
Homer: Ooh, the Nobies.

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