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Teachers should not be allowed to live near their students. We're natural enemies - like George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.


Ned, I have a confession to make, I may not have come here solely with the noble intention of getting drunk.


I still wear your bra.

Comic Book Guy

Homer: My doctor said don't walk.
Marge: That was a traffic signal!

Call me Delta Airlines, because I can't handle all your extra baggage.


My email address is edna172. It's the lowest number I could get.

Comic Book Guy

Bart: If fairytales have taught us anything, first wives are the best and second wives are terrible.
Homer: Just the opposite of real life.

That's right, I'm down to my wife blesser.


Edna: Those two boys of yours weren't delivered by the stork.
Flanders: Yes they were. We deliberately chose a Doctor Stork so we could say it without lying.

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