The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Lisa: One thing I've always wondered How can Fox News be so conservative when the Fox Network keeps airing raunchy shows? They don't fit together.
(Lisa then proceeds to flips channels between Fox News and Fox Network until Kent Brockman takes the remote control away from her.)
Kent: Fox deliberately runs shows that will earn them huge fines which are then funneled through the F.C.C. straight to the Republican Party. Everybody in the media knows it, but no one has the guts to say it.

Homer: Marge, the couch is lumpy!
Kent: That's because you're sitting on me, you lummox!

Homer: Hey suckers, check it out! Marge is taking me to ride dirt bikes at the cemetery.
Lisa: You're going to the dentist too, Dad.
Homer: (Thoughtfully) Why the cemetery? I wondered. But my dreams were too strong.

Rod: (to Ned) Daddy, what are you doing?
Ned: Imploring people I never met to pressure a government with better things to do to punish a man who meant no harm for something nobody ever saw, that's what I'm doing!
Rod: (after exchanging a worried look with Tod) Daddy, we think you need a new mommy.
Ned: First things first!

Homer: I'm sorry Lisa, but I won't live under the same roof as a member of the liberal media!
Lisa: You'll have to excuse him, he's been watching a lot of Fox News.
Homer: Did you know that every day Mexican gays sneak into this country and unplug our brain-dead ladies?

(Trying to start the car) It won't start! I'll have to use Homer's AAA card. (Looks at the card) "American Applesauce Association"?

Marge

Marge: (to Homer) We have to take in Mr. Brockman. He wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't dumped coffee on his lap.
Homer: Oh, sure! Put down a simple guy like me who works hard and plays by the rules!
Bart: Dad, you barely go to work at all.
Lisa: And you're constantly flouting the law.
Homer: I'm willing to change my mind and that makes me great.

Apu sang a song, what are you gonna do?

Homer

It seems liberals want to give NASA the right to abort space missions whenever they feel like it!

FOX Newscaster

(At the dentist)
Homer: Aaaah! It hurts so much!
Dental Hygienist: I haven't even started yet!
Homer: I know, but a breeze from that window went in my mouth!

Jack Bauer: Bart Simpson, 12 minutes ago you made a very annoying prank phone call to me. I pulled every agent off of their assignment to track you down and bring you to justice. It was a tough call but I think I made the right one.
(nuke goes off)
(crowd gasps)
Jack Bauer: Don't worry. That was just Shelbyville.
(crowd sighs with relief)

Skinner: Okay, you have a deal, you conniving little (whispers in Bart's ear)
Bart: Wow, that's a swear!?
Skinner: Used as a noun, it is.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 374 in total

The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes

Bart: Finally someone who does whatever I say!
Milhouse: Hey, Bart. I shaved my head like you told me.
Bart: Get lost!
Milhouse: Yes, master!

Did someone say snack?

Homer