Lisa: One thing I've always wondered How can Fox News be so conservative when the Fox Network keeps airing raunchy shows? They don't fit together.
(Lisa then proceeds to flips channels between Fox News and Fox Network until Kent Brockman takes the remote control away from her.)
Kent: Fox deliberately runs shows that will earn them huge fines which are then funneled through the F.C.C. straight to the Republican Party. Everybody in the media knows it, but no one has the guts to say it.

Marge: (to Homer) We have to take in Mr. Brockman. He wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't dumped coffee on his lap.
Homer: Oh, sure! Put down a simple guy like me who works hard and plays by the rules!
Bart: Dad, you barely go to work at all.
Lisa: And you're constantly flouting the law.
Homer: I'm willing to change my mind and that makes me great.

Apu sang a song, what are you gonna do?


Homer: I'm sorry Lisa, but I won't live under the same roof as a member of the liberal media!
Lisa: You'll have to excuse him, he's been watching a lot of Fox News.
Homer: Did you know that every day Mexican gays sneak into this country and unplug our brain-dead ladies?

Rod: (to Ned) Daddy, what are you doing?
Ned: Imploring people I never met to pressure a government with better things to do to punish a man who meant no harm for something nobody ever saw, that's what I'm doing!
Rod: (after exchanging a worried look with Tod) Daddy, we think you need a new mommy.
Ned: First things first!

Homer: Hey suckers, check it out! Marge is taking me to ride dirt bikes at the cemetery.
Lisa: You're going to the dentist too, Dad.
Homer: (Thoughtfully) Why the cemetery? I wondered. But my dreams were too strong.

It seems liberals want to give NASA the right to abort space missions whenever they feel like it!

FOX Newscaster

(At the dentist)
Homer: Aaaah! It hurts so much!
Dental Hygienist: I haven't even started yet!
Homer: I know, but a breeze from that window went in my mouth!

Homer: Marge, the couch is lumpy!
Kent: That's because you're sitting on me, you lummox!

(Trying to start the car) It won't start! I'll have to use Homer's AAA card. (Looks at the card) "American Applesauce Association"?


Now this crossword is nothing but swears.


Previously on 24 I mean The Simpsons.

Jack Bauer

The Simpsons Season 18 Quotes

(In "Married to the Blob," a meteorite crashes in the Simpson family back yard and splits open, revealing a glowing green goo.)
Homer: Whoo! A space marshmallow!
(Homer plucks the goo with a stick and tries to eat the goo, which keeps trying to avoid Homer's mouth.)
Homer: Uh? Where do you think you're going?
Lisa: Dad, no! It could teach us the secret of interstellar travel.
Homer: If he's so smart, how come he can't stay out of my mouth?
(The goo struggles in Homer's mouth before finally being swallowed.)
Marge: How could you eat that goo? You don't know what galaxy it's from.
Homer: Marge, I ate it. It's over.
(The goo tries to seep out of Homer's nose.)
Homer: Whoa! Oh, no, you don't!
(A determined Homer repeatedly snorts the goo back into his nose.)
Homer: If I can keep down Arby's, I can keep down you!

(During the opening credits, Mr. Burns acts as the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt.)
Mr. Burns: Hello, boils and ghouls. I am the crypt-keeper, or should I say master of scary-i-monies? (Laughs)
(Smithers interrupts Mr. Burn's opening speech.)
Smithers: (Laughs) Priceless sir, you made the word ceremonies frightening.
Mr. Burns: I know what I did. Urghh.