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Jacques: Here we are.
Marge: You didn't have to drop me off.
Jacques: But I wanted to.
(Jacques grabs Marge's hand and stares into her eyes.)
Jacques: Marge, do you know how beautiful you look in the moonlight?
Marge: Oh, Jacques. I'm a married woman.
Jacques: I know. I know. My mind says, "Stop," but my heart and my hips cry, "Proceed."
Marge: (Groans nervously)
Jacques: Marge, darling, I want to see you tomorrow. Not at Barney's Bowlarama. Away from the thunderous folly of clattering pins. Meet me tomorrow for brunch.
Marge: What's brunch?
Jacques: You'll love it. It's not quite breakfast, it's not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end. You don't get completely what you would at breakfast, but you get a good meal.
Marge: I don't think so.
Jacques: Marge, darling, there are ten pins in my heart. You've knocked over eight. Won't you please pick up that spare?
Marge: Mm. Mm. All right!

Marge: You certainly have a lot of bowling trophies.
Jacques: (Laughs) I like you so much. They're not for bowling, Marge. You're so naïve. They're for lovemaking!

Marge: You bought that bowling ball for you, not for me.
Homer: What? No!
Marge: The holes were drilled for your fingers.
Homer: Well, I wanted to surprise you. I couldn't very well chop your hand off and bring it to the store, could I?
Marge: You never intended for me to use that ball.
Homer: Well, if that's how you feel, I'll take it back.
Marge: You can't take it back! You had your name engraved on it!
Homer: So you'd know it was from me!
Marge: Homer, I'm keeping the ball...for myself!
Homer: What? But you don't know how to bowl. Whoops!
Marge: I'm keeping it, and I'm going to use it. Thank you for the present, Homer.
(Marge clicks off the light and goes to bed.)

Marge: You're a very good teacher.
Jacques: Yes, I am a very good teacher, and I can teach you everything. I can tell you what the little arrows on the wood floor mean,--
Marge: Hmmm.
Jacques: --which frame is the beer frame. I bet you don't know how to make a five-seven-ten split. Do you, Marge?
Marge: Hmmm, no.
Jacques: Well, first of all, you yell, "The eight-pin is a cop!"

Mr. Burns: I love you, Smithers.
Smithers: The feeling is more than mutual, sir.

There's someone out there in Krustyland who has committed an atrocity! If you know who cut off Jebediah's head--I don't care if it's your brother, your sister, your daddy or your mommy... turn 'em in, and Krusty will send you a free slide whistle just like Sideshow Bob's!

Krusty the Klown

Bart: Dad, can I talk to you about something?
Homer: Sure, boy. What's on your mind?
(Homer puts Bart on his lap.)
Bart: Well, I was wondering. How important is it to be popular?
Homer: I'm glad you asked, son. Being popular is the most important thing in the world.
Bart: So, like, sometimes you could do stuff that you think is pretty bad so other kids will like you better?
Homer: You're not talking about killing anyone, are you?
Bart: No.
Homer: (Sternly) Are you?
Bart: No!
Homer: Then run along, you little scamp.
(Bart's climbs down from Homer's lap.)
Homer: A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center.

Marge: Lisa, Bart, what did you two learn in Sunday school today?
Lisa: The answers to deep theological questions.
Bart: Yeah. Among other things, apes can't get into Heaven.
Homer: What? Those cute little monkeys? That's terrible. Who told you that?
Bart: Our teacher.
Homer: I can understand how they wouldn't let in those wild jungle apes, but what about those really smart ones who live among us, who roller-skate and smoke cigars?

Well, we have no witnesses, no suspects, and no leads. If anyone has any information, please dial "0" and ask for the police. That number again, "0."

Clancy Wiggum
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