Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Good evening, again, Springfield. Krusty the Clown, the beloved idol of countless tots, now nothing more than a common, alleged criminal. His trial, which begins tomorrow, has taken center ring in a national media circus as children of all ages from 8 to 80 hang on each new development like so many Romanian trapeze artists.

Kent Brockman

Scott Christian: Why did the clown cross the road? To rob a Kwik-E-Mart. The news story behind that enigmatic half-joke right after this commercial message.
Homer: Wait a minute. Bart, you know that guy on your lunchbox?
Bart: Oh, you mean, Krusty the Clown?
Homer: He's sort of a hero of yours, isn't he?
Bart: Are you kidding? He's my idol! I've based my life on Krusty's teachings.

Judge Snyder: Can it be that the champion of child literacy can't even read himself?
Krusty: Is it a crime to be illiterate?
Prosecutor: All right, all right. See this, Krusty? (Holds up an evidence label with a "B" on it.) This is a "B." And this is exhibit B. (Holds up betting slips.) Betting slips--obtained by this court indicating that you have lost substantial sums of money on sports gambling.
Krusty: Is it a crime to bet on sporting events?
Prosecutor: Yes, it is!
Krusty: Oh.

My young friends, for years I have been silent, save for the crude glissandos of this primitive wind instrument. (Holds up slide whistle.) But now, destiny has thrust me into the center ring. In the coming weeks, you will notice some rather sweeping changes in our program. Please do not be alarmed. Itchy and Scratchy will still have a home here. But we will also learn about nutrition, self-esteem, etiquette, and all the lively arts.

Sideshow Bob

Krusty, I'm man enough to admit I was wrong, and I'm sorry I fingered you in court. I sincerely hope that the horrible stories I heard about what goes on in prison are exaggerated

Homer

Principal Skinner: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, we have transcended incorrigible. I don't think suspension or expulsion will do the trick. I think it behooves us all to consider...deportation.
Marge: Deportation? You mean kick Bart out of the country?
Homer: Eh, hear him out, Marge.

I'm gonna miss you, son. And listen, while you're seeing all those great sights, always remember that you're representing your country. I guess what I'm saying is, don't mess up France the way you messed up your room.

Homer

(The Simpson family waits for Adil's arrival at the airport.)
Lisa: You know, in Albania, the unit of currency is called the lek.
Homer: (Chuckles). You gotta be kiddin'. (Chuckles) The lek.
Lisa: And the national flag is a two-headed eagle on a red field.
Homer: Give me the ol' stars and stripes.
Lisa: And the main export is furious political thought.
Homer: Political what?

You may find his accent peculiar. Certain aspects of his culture may seem absurd, perhaps even offensive. But I urge you all to give little Adil the benefit of the doubt. In this way, and only this way, can we hope to better understand our backward neighbors throughout the world.

Principal Skinner
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