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Moe: Moe's Tavern.
Bart: Hello. Is Al there?
Bart: Yeah, Al. Last name, Coholic.
Moe: Lemme check. Phone call for Al, Al Coholic. (Louder) Is there an Al Coholic here?
(Everyone in the bar laughs at Moe.)
Moe: Wait a minute. Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass. If I ever find out who you are, I'll kill ya!
- Permalink: Moe's Tavern. Hello. Is Al there? Al? Yeah, Al. Last name,...
Dr. Monroe: The pig has made you into his mother. You are not the hot love object you deserve to be.
Dr. Monroe: I'm as sure of it as I'm sure my voice is annoying. Marge, tonight, the second he comes through that front door, you've got to tell him you're fed up, and if he doesn't start loving, you will be leaving.
Marge: Leave Homer?
Dr. Monroe: Please, don't use his real name!
Marge: Leave Pedro?
- Permalink: The pig has made you into his mother. You are not the hot love o...
Marge: Hello. I'd like to talk to Dr. Monroe
Radio Show Producer: First name, age, problem?
Marge: I'm Marge, 34, and my problem's my husband. He doesn't listen to me. He doesn't appreciate me, I don't know how much more of this I can--
Radio Show Producer: Hey, lady, save your whining for when you're on the air, okay?
- Permalink: Hello. I'd like to talk to Dr. Monroe First name, age, problem...
Homer: My wife's gonna leave me 'cause she thinks I'm a pig.
Moe: Marge is right. You are a pig. You can ask anyone in this bar!
Homer: (Shocked) What? Hey, Barney, am I a pig?
Barney: You're even more of a pig than I am. (Belches)
Homer: Oh, no!
Moe: See? You're a pig. Barney's a pig, Larry's a pig. We're all pigs!
- Permalink: My wife's gonna leave me 'cause she thinks I'm a pig. Homer. ...
Homer: They all look so tasty, but I think I'll eat this one right there!
(Homer points at a lobster.)
Waiter: Why don't you pick one that's a little more frisky, sir.
Waiter: Well, when you choose one that's floating upside down, it somewhat defeats the purpose of selecting a live lobster.
- Permalink: They all look so tasty, but I think I'll eat this one right ther...
Dr. Monroe: Okay, let's see. Next we have Marge. She's 34 and trapped in a loveless sham of a marriage.
Homer: Hey, turn it up! I love hearing those wackos.
- Permalink: Okay, let's see. Next we have Marge. She's 34 and trapped in a l...
The Cue Ball Killer should be considered extremely armed and dangerous. If you think you've seen him, call 1-800-U-SQUEAL.Host
- Permalink: The Cue Ball Killer should be considered extremely armed and dan...
Bart: We know who you are, Ms. Botz. Or should I say, Ms. Botzcowski. You're the Baby-sitter Bandit!
Ms. Botz: You're a smart, young man, Bart. I hope you're smart enough to keep your mouth shut.
Lisa: He isn't.
- Permalink: We know who you are, Ms. Botz. Or should I say, Ms. Botzcowski. ...
Homer: Lord, help me. I'm just not that bright.
Marge: Oh, Homer, don't say that. The way I see it, if you raise three children who can knock out and hogtie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right.
- Permalink: Lord, help me. I'm just not that bright. Oh, Homer, don't say ...
Moe: Moe's Tavern.
Bart: Is Oliver there?
Bart: Oliver Klozoff.
Moe: Hold on. I'll check. Oliver Klozoff! Call for Oliver Klozoff!
- Permalink: Moe's Tavern. Is Oliver there? Who? Oliver Klozoff. Hold...
Krusty the Clown: Hey, hey, what's goin' on here?
Chief Wiggum: Krusty the Clown, you're under arrest for armed robbery. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say--Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Krusty the Clown: What is this, a joke?
- Permalink: Hey, hey, what's goin' on here? Krusty the Clown, you're under...
Sideshow Bob: Hand over all your money in a paper bag.
Apu: Yes, yes. I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know.
- Permalink: Hand over all your money in a paper bag. Yes, yes. I know the ...