They say you catch more flies with honey, I say with fly traps.

Mr. Burns

The only reason you haven't been fired is because your file here has been holding up a sofa that was missing a leg.

Moe

Look Moe the least you can let me do is anything I want.

Homer

You guys cost me my chance with a woman of a certain age!

Moe

Homer: Marge I believe you're forgetting America's greatest wartime wheelchair-bound leader, Professor X of the X-Men.
Marge: It's not that Professor X wouldn't get up, it's that he couldn't!

Bart: Aw jeez, I thought writing another hit song would be easier.
Lisa: Well it would have helped if you hadn't crumpled up all the paper before we wrote anything on it.

Marge, you're my wife of ten years and I love you, but I must observe the teachings of this man I just met tonight. Now the first thing I have to do is make amends with the bathroom scale.

Homer

I have so many questions for you. First of all, is this floor reinforced?

Homer

Bart: Thinking back, I'm kinda surprised mom and dad let a crazy man spend all night in my bedroom.
Homer: Simpler times.

I didn't write it. I bought it from a salesman who was selling it to half the towns in America. I didn't think you'd find out because I never thought any of us would go anywhere.

Moleman

Lenny: No, mine was rubber mats in the decontamination showers, also water in the decontamination showers.
Burns: Never!

For a man who likes electric cars, he sure burns a lot of rocket fuel.

Lisa

The Simpsons Quotes

Horst: (Sinister) Okay, Mr. Burns, you win. But beware. We Germans aren't all smiles and sunshine.
Mr. Burns: (Sarcastic) Oooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans! (Hiding behind Smithers) Uh oh, the Germans are going to get me!
Horst: Stop it!
Man: Stop, sir.
Mr. Burns: Don't let the Germans come after me. Oh no, the Germans are coming after me.
Man: Please stop the "pretending you are scared" game, please.
Horst: Stop it! Stop it!
Mr. Burns: (Pause) No! They're so big and strong!
Man: Stop it.
Horst: Stop it, Mr. Burns.
Man: Please stop pretending you are scared of us, please, now.
Mr. Burns: Oh, protect me from the Germans! The Germans--
Horst: Burns, Stop it!

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!