Mr. Duff: Why don't you kids run off and play in the bottle cap pit.
Marge: Don't cut yourselves!

These reality shows really leave you no privacy.

Marge

Relax Marge, if God lets the Jews have Sunday on a Saturday, he'll be cool with this.

Reverend Lovejoy

But it's not on the calendar? Okay, but if I'm sleepy at work tomorrow I get to tell everyone why.

Homer

I can't believe it, but the church is going to have to ask people for money.

Marge

Oh God gets your prayers, but he just clicks delete without reading them, like email updates from LinkedIn.

Homer

Princess Kemi: So, all these concubines belong to this one tyrant?
Homer: It's called The Bachelor.

Princess Kemi: I think he is a sweet, sweet man, but when I kissed him it was not romantic, more like when Snow White kissed Dopey.
Moe: No, no, not this comparison again!

Moe: Do you mind riding a cute little scooter with your arms around my waist?
Princess Kemi: I don't!
Moe: To the scooter store!

Homer: She's gone!
Moe: And she trashed my bar! Oh no, wait, she actually cleaned up a little bit. Good for her.

Sorry Marge, but I am the royal babysitter. If I start watching commoners, the tongues of the court will be a wag.

Homer

Those smart cars are cutting into our business. We used to get uber amounts of work giving people lifts.

Taxi Driver

The Simpsons Quotes

(Squishing an ice cream to his forehead) I'm a unitard!

Ralph

Kent Brockman: When cat burglaries start, can mass murders be far behind? This reporter isn't saying that the burglar is an inhuman monster like the Wolfman, but he very well could be. So, professor: would you say it's time for everyone to panic?
Professor: Yes I would, Kent.