Sorry Marge, but I am the royal babysitter. If I start watching commoners, the tongues of the court will be a wag.

Homer

Those smart cars are cutting into our business. We used to get uber amounts of work giving people lifts.

Taxi Driver

They say you catch more flies with honey, I say with fly traps.

Mr. Burns

The only reason you haven't been fired is because your file here has been holding up a sofa that was missing a leg.

Moe

Look Moe the least you can let me do is anything I want.

Homer

You guys cost me my chance with a woman of a certain age!

Moe

Homer: Marge I believe you're forgetting America's greatest wartime wheelchair-bound leader, Professor X of the X-Men.
Marge: It's not that Professor X wouldn't get up, it's that he couldn't!

Bart: Aw jeez, I thought writing another hit song would be easier.
Lisa: Well it would have helped if you hadn't crumpled up all the paper before we wrote anything on it.

Marge, you're my wife of ten years and I love you, but I must observe the teachings of this man I just met tonight. Now the first thing I have to do is make amends with the bathroom scale.

Homer

I have so many questions for you. First of all, is this floor reinforced?

Homer

Bart: Thinking back, I'm kinda surprised mom and dad let a crazy man spend all night in my bedroom.
Homer: Simpler times.

I didn't write it. I bought it from a salesman who was selling it to half the towns in America. I didn't think you'd find out because I never thought any of us would go anywhere.

Moleman

The Simpsons Quotes

Bart: You're going down, Homer. I'm gonna fool you!
Homer: You talk better than you fool.
Bart: I'll fool you up real nice.
Homer: You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!