Bart: I saved you.
Lisa: But you pushed me!
Bart: Duh, I couldn't save you until I pushed you. Girls make no sense.

Lisa: I was pretending, and it worked!
Bart: You know kid, with your smarts and my Barts, we make a good team!
Lisa: What are Barts?
Bart: You're the smart one, you figure it out.

Maude: My bladder's going to burst.
Ned: Now I know you've had a few too many waters, but that is no reason for the sailor talk.

Marge: What are we going to do?
Homer: It's not so bad sweety, I took a box of Altoids from her waiting room. The most anyone has ever gotten out of therapy.

Lisa: Remember when Apu let dad have the expired hot dog?
Homer: Just once and I'm still taking medication for it.

Milhouse: Fie?
Bart: Yeah, look it up.
Milhouse: Used to express disgust or outrage? That's the worst F word there is!

Bart: Dad, are you gonna snitch on me?
Homer: Moes before bros.

Oh, you must be Flanders' new dog. I just want to apologize in advance for the things I'm gonna blame on you.

Homer

Marge: I'm not giving up on Bart, just like I didn't give up on our marriage when you quit your job to start the North American Sumo League.
Homer: The NASL would have made money if someone had washed a few sumo loin cloths for me.
Marge: I said I would do yours, but not the whole dojo.

Chief Wiggum: I've got everything I need to convict your boy, except for motive, means, and opportunity.
Lou: You also have no evidence.
Chief Wiggum: That's implied.

Lisa: I'm not sure how many more times we can watch dad chased down by an angry crowd before it affects us psychologically.
Dr. Schulman: As a family therapist, I can assure you that you have all the coping skills you need.
Marge: Why is Lisa talking to an empty seat?
Lisa: See you next Tuesday Dr. Schulman! Oh right, you're in Maui.

I will do something no one has ever done, be fun sober!

Homer

The Simpsons Quotes

The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed it to ensure our freedoms.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!