Did you know that gay used to mean happy? When I was growing up it meant "lame." And now it means a man who makes love to other men. We're all homos. Homo sapiens.

Michael

(crying) Jim is g-gone!!! He's gone, I miss him so MUCH!! OOH, I cry myself to sleep!!! JIIIM!! (stops crying) False. I do not miss him.

Dwight

You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded. And I consider Oscar a friend.

Michael

Michael: I call everybody faggy. Why would anyone find that offensive?
Toby: I think Oscar would like it if you just used "lame" or something.
Michael: But that's what faggy means!

The Office Season 3 Quotes

Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing.

Dwight

I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.

Stanley