Michael: No need for consternation, everything is under control.
Jan: Michael, last Friday one of your employees attacked another employee in your office!
Michael: It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.
Jan: [sigh] Is Toby there?
Michael: No...
Toby: I'm... here, Jan.

Everyday, for eight years, I have brought pepper spray into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees. And everyday, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?


Karen: So do you want to see it or not?
Jim: I don't know. Feel like... Friday night crowds...
Karen: Oh my God, you're like, agoraphobic.
Jim: Agoraphobic?
Karen: Yeah.
Jim: Really?
Karen: Yeah! You would rather sit on your couch and watch a Phillies game, than go out to a movie with your awesome girlfriend.
Jim: Absolutely correct.

It was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed.


I don't think Michael intended to punish me by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But, if he did intend that... wow. Genius.


I guess, all things considered, I was lucky Dwight was there. And Roy was lucky that Dwight only used pepper spray, and not the nunchucks or the throwing stars.


Roy: Are they going to call the cops?
Kenny: No, I paid them off.
Roy: Jet ski money?
Kenny: All of it.
Roy: I'm gonna kill Jim Halpert.

David: What's, uh, what's with Jan and Michael?
Jim: I don't know. Where to begin? My ball.

Student 1: Hey Creed.
Creed: Hey! What are you guys doing here?
Student 2: You're the man buddy.

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