Michael: Alright. Well, I know a guy. This Mexican guy, he's a math wiz. He knows economics as well as he knows bullfighting and I am going to call in a little favor.
David: No-no-no-no, don't call anybody, Michael.
Michael: Well I'm texting him, so.
David: Please do not text anybody now, Michael.

Michael: Well. That was a waste of a text. Let's get down to brass tacks. I think that we might be in trouble. We don't seem to have a plan, so I'm thinking I go down there maybe rattle off a few jokes. The Congressman could follow?
Alan: He's our best manager? Where's the off button on this moron?
Michael: Uhh. I'm not a moron. Time after time, my branch, leads in sales. I have personally won over 17 Dundie awards so I am not a moron. And, I'm just trying to help, you know? So... you're the moron.

Alright. We are gonna ... we are gonna go out there, during this break, and we are gonna come back with a plan. We're gonna come back with a plan for you. It's a 45-day plan. 45 days! To get us back, on track. 45 points! It's a 45-day, 45-point, one point per day. We get 45 points, we're back in business! [cheers] And you can take that to the bank! And limo lady! We are going completely carbon-neutral! [more cheers] I love you New York! You! You!


Andy: I'm so jealous right now.
Michael: Hey, you know who you shouldn't be jealous of. Yourself. Because you're invited, and you're invited, and you're invited, and you, you and you and you, and you--
Limo driver: Car seats eight.
Michael: What?
Limo driver: The car seats eight.
Michael: The limo seats eight.
Michael: Okay. Then Jim and Pam. And Ryan plus a guest.
Jim and Pam: No thanks.
Ryan: I'll use it when you're done.

Michael: I wish the windows weren't tinted so people could see us in here.
Andy: Hey you guys do you think anyone might have had sex in here?
Dwight: Definitely, definitely! Smells like it!

Andy: Michael, what if somebody asks you a question at this meeting? Are you just going to wave or what-
Michael: I will have to answer!
Dwight: I'll ask you a question!
Andy: Make it a softball. Something he can, like, crank out of the park.
Dwight: "Michael Scott, you run the most profitable branch of Dunder Mifflin. How do you do it?"
Michael: No! No! That's too hard. Say! "Your name is Zamboni." And then I will say, "Well! We're sort of on thin ice."
Andy: Heyyy-yo!!!!

I've always been the guy who can rally other people to rebel. In high school, I organized a walk out over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway got a 1220. Always regretted it... I feel lachrymose.


Jim: Let me show you what I mean. Your new office. How great is that, right? For a job well done, well, not done.
Ryan: I will, uh, I will do my work, right now. I will stay late tonight.
Jim: Right.
Ryan: Um, I'm very sorry. About everything.
Jim: You're a good kid. You know what, it gets bigger once you're in there. Enjoy.
Ryan: Is there Internet?

Jim: I just figured you needed a place where you could concentrate. And not be bothered by... bothering people.
Ryan: Okay.

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