(while talking to Cody's parents) I have a question. It's always bothered me. Why do they call it football? People don't really use their feet much, do they?

Patrick

Rigsby: What is this?
Van Pelt: That is healthy and nutritious snacking.
Rigsby: I'm gonna die.

(To Grace on the phone) Things are getting weird, we're off to see a witch.

Teresa

Mrs. Elkins: How can you be so cold?
Patrick: Practice.

Jared Renfrew: Red John is the friend of a friend of mine.
Patrick Jane: What is this friend's name?
Jared Renfrew: His name is get me out of here and I'll tell you that and much more. I'll sing like a bird.

Patrick: Let's keep it casual to start with Sophie. Let her relax. If she gets her guard up, we'll get nothing from her.
Teresa: You're very combative all of a sudden.
Patrick: Yeah, if she is guilty, she lied to me and I believed it. She fooled me.
Teresa: The ultimate sin.
Patrick: Yes it is.

Teresa: We have agents at your house right now with a search warrant.
Chancellor Stern: Inadmissible.
Teresa: Yes. I'd hate to be a State's Attorney. Jane's always pulling crap like this on them but they always win.

Teresa: Aw. Jane kissed a girl.
Patrick: What? Yeah on the cheek.
Teresa: Still counts.

Patrick: You don't like the way I drive, you despise it.
Teresa: You drive way too fast.
Patrick: I drive just fast enough. You hate not being the one in control and yet you're willing to overcome your irrational fears to cheer me up. That's a beautiful thing, Lisbon. Thank you, I'd love to drive.
Teresa: Never mind.

Ben Machado: I didn't know you guys were cops.
Kimball Cho: You thought we were selling magazine subscriptions?

Trey: Ben's our go-to guy in Marquesa.
Ben: He just means I'm the only real estate agent around here who takes his commission in fertilizer and chickens.

Kimball: Hey, do you wanna go to work or do you wanna play nurse with King Tut?
Grace: Work. Definitely work.

The Mentalist Quotes

We make love with our hearts but first we lust with our eyes.

Erica

I'm becoming what I was meant to be - your children's children will worship me.

Red John copycat