Becky: Why aren’t you trying to get another writing job?
Darlene: Because I’ve got 25 years of failure telling me that’s the wrong direction. When I moved back in with Mom and Dad, I didn’t think that I could go any lower, and then I chased this stupid magazine into the ground. I mean like, what is wrong with me? No one wants me to be a writer. Take a hint? You know, it’s like, if I’d done anything else I wouldn’t be standing on this line starting over.

Becky: At least Laverne and Shirley worked in a brewery and got to chug a beer every once in a while.
Darlene: Well, we get free travel size bottles which will come in handy if any other country ever lets Americans in again.

Darlene: Because if you get evicted, Dad, we get evicted. Now, we’re wasting time and we need money. Right now, Becky could be out there selling her body out on the street.
Becky: Thanks, it’s tough to keep in hooker shape.

Darlene: There’s not a lot of jobs out there.
Ben: Well, you could be a bouncer for one of those big box stores. They’re looking for greeters who will take down the customers who won’t wear masks.
Darlene: That’s not a job, I’d do that for free.

It’s like living with bears. Yesterday, I put my plate down, went to get a napkin, and someone ate the meat out of my sandwich.


Becky: Mom worked here. Maybe it will be okay.
Darlene: We’re supposed to do better than our parents. We’re not supposed to be going backward. We’re going to end up as immigrants on a ship back to Ireland.

The supervisor, Booker, he looked just like George Clooney…. I should have hit that until I broke it.


Do you know how long it’s been since I felt the sun on my face? I’m starting to look like a white guy. I could probably get a loan for a house right now.


I remember visiting you guys at work and watching you robotically doing the same job over and over and thinking, “Wow, it must really suck to be an adult.” And it does.


Mark: Can you smell this?
Darlene: I don’t want to smell it. It’s bad enough I have to eat it.

Darlene: Why aren’t you guys excited?
Harris: Because we’ve been through this before.
Mark: You said we were going to move to Chicago with Ben and that didn’t happen.
Harris: One of you is going to sleep with Dad and screw this up.
Ben: Well, it is kind of my turn.

Damn, it just never ends for you guys. One of your ancestors mess with a witch or something?


The Conners Quotes

Mark: It's been three weeks since Grannie Rosie's funeral, why are people still giving us casseroles?
Harris: And why do people bring casseroles when somebody dies?

Jackie: What was this, tuna casserole or potato salad?
Darlene: It doesn't matter. It's just stuff and mayonnaise.