I honestly want to get laid this Thanksgiving. I'm touching my wife under the table right now.

Paul

I'm fat and you're gay so we're supposed to get along.

Andrea

It's always best to start with sweet and save hoochie for desert.

Cathy

Lee: You're actually my type, Paul.
Paul: Well I'm glad this didn't just get awkward.

Soulmate. Not only is it a cliche, it's the reasons millions of women are sitting at home and single.

Cathy

We're not soulmates. We're mole mates.

Lee

My family is blunt, tense and can't relax for shit.

Cathy

You have cancer and that pretty much trumps everything all the time!

Paul

The next time you fire someone on Halloween, you might wanna take off your pointy fucking ears first.

Paul

Hear that, Marlene? It's time to cross over, you racist bitch!

Andrea

Marlene really put the nail in the coffin when she, you know, put the nail in the coffin.

Sean

I never got the Catholic school girl fantasy. Maybe that's because the of actual tragedy being perpetrated against Catholic school boys.

Sean
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 60 in total

The Big C Quotes

You're the yin to my yang, the ping to my pong, the normal to my crazy. Let's be us together.

Paul

Sean: The last you could do is buy a damn Hybrid.
Cathy: The least you could do is take a shower.

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