The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Raj: No, I'm not gay. If anything, I'm metrosexual.
Raj's father: What's that?
Raj: It means that I like women, as well as, their skin-care products.

Well, you should. 50% of marriages end in divorce, but 100% of make-your-own-sundae bars end in happiness

Sheldon

Yeah, I hate wedding receptions. Yeah, I wish the bride and groom would take a cue from Bilbo Baggins. Slip on the ring, disappear and everyone goes home.

Sheldon

But e-excuse me, I have something to say. None of you may realize it, but I was very much looking forward to this weekend. It was gonna be like the old days -- the four of us hanging out, playing video games, before you guys all got girlfriends. Do you have any idea what its like to the be the only one without a girlfriend? Even if I get one someday, I'll still be the guy who got a girl after Sheldon Cooper!

Raj

Amy: I'm dating Sheldon Cooper
Penny: Yes, on purpose.
Amy: He's handsome, he's lanky, he's brilliant and his skin has the pale, waxy quality.
Penny: Well, sickly is the new sexy.

Sheldon: Is the whip sound app contextually appropriate here?
Leonard: Uh, it is, but I think you might have waited too long for it to be funny.
[whip cracks]
Leonard: [Everyone laughs] I was wrong; it was still funny.

Hmm, if it's yogurt that helps ladies poop, I think Raj beat you to it.

Leonard

Leonard: We're always the good guys. In D&D, we're lawful good. In City of Heroes, we're the heroes. In Grand Theft Auto, we pay the prostitutes promptly and never hit them with a bat.
Sheldon: Those women are prostitutes? You said they were raising money for stem cell research.

Sorry, Stallion. You're weird friend, Giraffe, is here.

Penny

Howard: Now, I downloaded an app that might be helpful in this situation.
[whip cracks]
Sheldon: You're right. I'm smart as a whip. I should be able to figure this out.

Look, if you don't want to go to the party, just don't go. You're a grown man. Act like one. Tell Amy you want to spend the weekend having a sleepover and playing video games with your friends!

Howard

I'd make fun of Sheldon for having girl problems, if I wasn't shocked that Sheldon has girl problems.

Leonard
Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 261 in total

The Big Bang Theory Season 5 Quotes

Well, you should. 50% of marriages end in divorce, but 100% of make-your-own-sundae bars end in happiness

Sheldon

You can't blame yourself. When your prefrontal cortex fails to make you happy promiscuity rewards you with the needed flood of dopamine. We, neurobiologists, refer to this as the skank reflex.

Amy