Howard, you go ahead and eat. This isn't going to make any sense to you.

Sheldon

That's amazing. You'll be like his pit crew.

Leonard

Howard: So, I got the craziest email this morning.
Raj: I hate to burst your bubble, dude, but those penile enlargement pills do not work.
Howard: Believe me I know.

Raj: Let's go see if you fit in my man purse.
Bernadette: Heterosexual, my ass.

Raj: Oh, my goodness. Aren't you the cutest little Yorkie ever! You got him for me?
Howard: Her. We thought you two would hit it off.
Raj: I think we already have.

Penny: What is the truth?
Sheldon: My Mr. Spock doll came to me in a dream and forced me to open it. And when the toy broke I switched it for yours. Later, he encouraged me to do the right thing and I defied him. And then I was attacked by a Gorn.
Leonard: Okay, that I believe.

And, once again, my baloney likes girls.

Raj

With women! I like to boogie with women!

Raj

Lakshmi: I'm gay.
Raj: Like dude-on-dude but with women?

Spock: What is the purpose of a toy?
Sheldon: To be played with.
Spock: Therefore to not play with it would be...?
Sheldon: Illogical. Damn it, Spock, you're right.

Leonard: Once you open the box, it loses it's value.
Penny: Yeah, yeah. My mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity. I gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun taking it out and playing with it.

Leonard: You went to the comic book store by yourself?
Penny: Yeah. It was fun. I walked in and two different guys got asthma attacks. Felt pretty good.

The Big Bang Theory Season 5 Quotes

Sheldon: Professor Hawking, it's an honor and a privilege to meet you, sir.
Stephen Hawking: I know.

You can't ruin a friendship with sex that's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.

Raj