The Big Bang Theory

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The big bang theory
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Raj: Boy, I'm so hungry today. I wonder why?
Howard: Because you had sex the other night?
Raj: You know what? That may be it. By the way, it isn't like riding a bike. Like, I fell off a few times.

Leonard: Penny and I have some big news.
Penny: We're engaged!
Raj: And I thought me having sex with Emily was gonna be the big news.

Welcome to Team Putz.

Howard [to Bernadette]

Penny: Where did you get a ring?
Leonard: I've... had it for a couple years, not important. Penny... will you marry me?
Penny: Oh, my God, yes.
Leonard: This would have been so much more romantic if you didn't have monkey hair on your finger.

Leonard: So, is that it? Are we engaged?
Penny: Yeah, I think so.
Leonard: All right.

Penny: Okay, it may look that way, but getting fired from that movie was the best thing that could have happened to me, okay? I finally realize I don't need to be famous or have some big career to be happy.
Leonard: Then what do you need?
Penny: You, you stupid Pop-Tart!

Penny: We could get married.
Leonard: Come on, be serious.
Penny: I am.
Leonard: Why? Because I'm a-a "smart decision"?
Penny: Well, yeah.
Leonard: So I'm like a bran muffin.

Emily: If I saw you out with another woman, I'd be pretty upset.
Raj: Thank you. Not just for being upset, but for believing that could happen.

Bernadette: You know, you're always talking about having a baby someday. This is exactly what it's gonna be like.
Howard: No, it's not.
Bernadette: Come on. The constant fussing, eating, pooping, burping, drooling. We're even waiting for the day when she can finally walk on her own.
Howard: Maybe you're right. Anything she finds on the floor goes right in her mouth.

Sheldon: I don't have all the ingredients to make chai tea.
Raj: You don't have to make me anything.
Sheldon: No, I do. You're upset about Emily and you're Indian. I need to make you chai tea. Now, I have all the ingredients except cardamom seeds. Do you happen to have any on you?
Raj: Sorry, I left them in my turban.
Sheldon: Oh, I'll make English breakfast tea. They destroyed your culture. That's close enough.

Raj: Aren't you gonna get 3-D glasses?
Sheldon: I brought my own. No sense in risking bridge-of-nose herpes.
Raj: Is that a real thing?
Sheldon: Well, until they invent nose condoms, I'm not finding out.

Penny: There's no reason why I shouldn't be the best bisexual go-go dancer slowly transforming into a killer gorilla
anyone's ever seen.
Leonard: I don't know. The bisexual gorilla go-go dancer in Schindler's List is tough to beat.
Sheldon: Ah, very good. Because a gorilla go-go dancer
of any sexual preference would be out of place in a film about the Holocaust.
Leonard: It only gets funnier when you explain it, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I know.

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 1609 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Amy: Sheldon, there's something else I've been wanting to say, but before I do, I just... I want you to know that you don't have to say it back.I know you're not ready, and I don't want you to say it just because social convention dictates...
Sheldon: I love you, too.
Amy: You said it.
Sheldon: There's no denying I have feelings for you that can't be explained in any other way. I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite. But that seems even more far-fetched. The only conclusion was love.