Why would she keep something from me? I shared my body with that woman. And my Netflix password.


If we're all gonna die, why am I eating so much kale?


Oh, I don't mind. I'm very good at complaining. If it were an Olympic Sport I'd complain about what a stupid sport it is, and then I'd take home the gold.


I can't believe I'm saying this, but can we watch the news or something?


Sheldon: Do you know what else I love about you? Your handwriting is impeccable!
Stuart: Thank you for noticing!
Sheldon: I mean it. I mean, it's like you have the soul of a label-maker.

I've been babysitting him way longer than you have.


Howard: There's a baby in there!
Bernadette: Oh yeah, that's where I put it.

I hope it's not a West Coast party, because according to the man on the radio, a West Coast party don't stop.


You'll have nerds fawning all over you. If you don't love that, this marriage is in trouble.


When I see a pretty girl walking down the street, I think "hubba hubba" just like any other guy.


Bernadette: I left my phone downstairs!
Howard: Dammit, so did I!
Bernadette: I have my iPad.
Howard: What are you going to do, email 911?!

When we're sleeping, she breathes on me. One night it got so bad I almost grabbed Toto and headed to the storm cellar.


TBBT Quotes

What do Sheldon Cooper and the black hole have in common? They both suck.

Professor Hawking

Stephen Hawking: You made an arithmetic mistake on page two. It was quite a boner.
Sheldon: No, no ... that can't be right. I-I don't make arithmetic mistakes.
Stephen Hawking: Are you saying I do?
Sheldon: Oh, no, no, no, of course not. It's just, I was thinking.... Oh, gosh, golly, I made a boo-boo and I gave it to Stephen Hawking.
Stephen Hawking: Great, another fainter.