The Big Bang Theory

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The big bang theory
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Raj: So, as Hannah Montana, Miley was a world-famous pop star.But then she would take off her wig and go to school like a normal girl. Which, I don't have to tell you, at that age, is its own headache.
Sheldon: That's preposterous. How would she go unrecognized
just by wearing a wig?
Raj: But you're okay with Superman concealing his identity with a pair of glasses?
Sheldon: He doesn't just put on a pair of glasses. He combs back his curlicue and affects a mild-mannered personality.

Raj: It's also a live mine, so there'll be dynamite explosions going off in the distance.
Sheldon: Yeah, I have a lactose-intolerant roommate with a taste
for ice cream. Next.
Raj: Oh, you have to be down there for 12 hours at a time.
Sheldon: Yeah? We have to be somewhere.
Raj: Well, there's no toilets-- we'll have to do our business
in a bucket.
Sheldon: So it's settled-- we're not doing it.

Raj: Hey, Sheldon, you busy?
Sheldon: I'm always busy. This mind is capable of advanced multitasking. You know, currently, I'm attempting to solve the Penrose conjecture, I'm composing my Nobel acceptance speech for when I've solved the Penrose conjecture, and I'm wondering
how mermaids have babies.
Raj: Don't they lay eggs on a rock?
Sheldon: Now I've got room for another thing.

Penny: What should I have done? Taken a picture of us in the car
and put it in a pink frame with puffy paint around it that says "best fiance ever"?
Leonard: Doesn't sound that bad.
Penny: Well, good, because... that's why I did!

Sheldon: Are they making fun of us?
Raj: Yup.
Sheldon: I miss the old days when I couldn't tell.

Leonard: I think what Penny meant is, the thought of you two in a mine is kind of funny-- it's like a cat riding a Roomba.
Howard: If they get scared, they'll have those hats with the lights on them, 'cause down there it's night-night all the time!
Bernadette: Maybe they could ride around in one of those mine carts that go,(squeakily): ee-oo-ee-oo-ee-oo.
Leonard: Yeah, it'll help them get away when they see a gh-gh-ghost...!

Penny: Wait, hang on-- you guys are gonna work in a mine?
Sheldon: Why not?
Penny: You had a panic attack when we went through the car wash.

Penny: I hate her.
Emily: I hate her.

Leonard: Hold on. So, your idea is to get a van and cruise the streets looking for kids to pick up?
Guys: Yes.
Leonard: And are you gonna use candy to lure them in?
Raj: We are now!

Penny: Well, I wouldn't exactly call it a hook-up.
Emily: Did you kiss?
Penny: Yeah.
Emily: Were you naked?
Penny: Yeah.
Emily: So, it was a hook-up.

Sheldon: I'll give you a plan right now. Step one: open comic book store.
Step two: start rumor this comic book store gives you genital warts.
Step three: buy a big bag to put the money in.
Leonard: It's not that bad.

Howard: All I know is, he's got my mother buying four-ply toilet paper. I mean, four-ply. If his butt is so delicate,why doesn't he just use an angora rabbit?
Sheldon: For starters, they shed and bite.

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 1623 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Sheldon: Ugh! English pudding. Y-You get yourself all excited for pudding, and here comes a cake with raisins in it. I'm not going.
Amy: You're going.
Sheldon: Why do you hate me?
Amy: I don't hate you. I love you.
Sheldon: Well, you call it love, but it has a lot of raisins in it.