Why isn't everyone happy? Your little ray of sunshine is ready to beam again!

Sheldon

Amy: I wish you were here.
Sheldon: At a microbiology conference? What a mean thing to say!
Amy: Okay, I'm glad you're not here?
Sheldon: Aww, you always know just what to say, after I tell you what to say.

Koothrappali: I should warn you: it's just looking at data for hours and hours on a computer screen.
Sheldon: Stop selling it, kid. You won.

Leonard: I'm not going to make a fake appointment with a psychiatrist. What would I say is wrong with me?
Koothrappali: Low self esteem.
Howard: Social anxiety.
Sheldon: Sexual insecurity.
Leonard: None of that is true.
Penny: Denial. See sweetie, the list goes on and on.

Gallo: I'm curious. Are you related to Dr. Beverly Hofstadter?
Leonard: She's my mother. Do you know her?
Gallo: Not personally, but I have read all of her books.
Leonard: Then you know her better than I do.
Gallo: Well I'm not so sure about that. But I can tell you I do not agree with her theories on child rearing at all.
Leonard: Really. Any chance you find them cold, cruel and unsuitable for Innocent little boys who just want to be happy?
Gallo: Well, I didn't want to say it...
Leonard: No, say it! Say it! Rent a plane, write it in the sky.

Leonard: Do you know she never let me celebrate my birthday because being born was her achievement, not mine?
Gallo: That's heart-breaking.
Leonard: Right? To this day I send her a card every year with a little money in it.

Howard: Like when you were going to make that pie, Stuart ate all the blueberries...
Bernadette: He tried to deny it but his teeth were all purple.
Howard: That was pretty cute.
Bernadette: Yeah.
Bernadette: Ew, we are missing him!

Penny: Do you have any questions?
Gallo: Just one. When you made your husband pretend to be a patient so you could get access to me, what were you thinking there?

Gallo: Here is a man raised by an overbearing woman who completely dominated every aspect of his formative years. Do you think he's perpetuating that relationship by seeking out a partner like you?
Penny: You know, I used to wear tank tops a lot. That was a big selling point.

Penny: How can I not sound like his mother when our entire bedroom is filled with Star Wars toys? I mean have you ever had sex with a stuffed Wookie watching you?
Gallo: I went to college in the 70's. It was a hairier time. I'm going to say yes.

Amy: I'm just... really nervous.
Sheldon: Why?
Amy: I've been waiting for this for so long. I've just built it up in my head. I don't know what to expect.
Sheldon: Neither do I. But... we can find out together.

Sheldon: Not that, I understand the mechanics.
Professor Proton: Oh, good, good. Because I have no idea what kids these days are calling their, their parts.
Sheldon: I think they say "junk."
Professor Proton: What is happening to this world?

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon