Leonard: You know what we should do?
Sheldon: All go out and get vasectomies so this doesn't happen to us?

I shouldn't be raising a kid! I don't even eat my own vegetables.

Howard

Leonard: Why, 'oh no'?
Sheldon: Because this changes everything. What about comic book night? What about playing games together? What about our trips to Disneyland? How can we do those things with a child around?!"

We're gonna be parents! We're gonna get to board planes first! I'm finally gonna get to see what's in that family bathroom at the mall!

Howard

Bernadette: Well why did you put your finger near it's mouth?
Howard: Poor judgement, obviously.

Penny: Now is that a smart thing to say on a holiday that's basically national sex night?
Leonard: I'm sorry. You're pretty. I'm stupid.

Penny: That's crazy. We have reservations.
Leonard: I know.
Penny: So what did you say?
Leonard: Thanks, sorry to bother you. But I said it like a badass.

You know, once I ordered an Uber by accident. I just got in it and went somewhere.

Sheldon

I just gave you my virginity, woman. Cool your jets!

Sheldon

Meemaw: No wine for me. Sheldon's bringing me my whiskey.
Sheldon: There you go, Meemaw. I made it just how you like it. A lot, in a glass.

There's Amy! I just know you're going to hit it off. You both have the same fashion sense.

Sheldon

Oh, now you call her Constance. I call her Meemaw. You have your own Meemaw. It's not my fault she died when you were four.

Sheldon

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.