Are you folding that like a crazy person to get me to do it?

Sheldon

Sheldon: Gee, Penny. Life's given me lemons, what should I do?
Penny: You could shove them somewhere.
Sheldon: Okay, now you're getting creative.

Sheldon: How many Edisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Amy: How many?
Sheldon: Who cares he stole the idea and doesn't deserve his own joke.

Amy: Okay, that's enough.
Penny: What? No! I really want to know what happens-- and Bernadette really, really, really wants to know what happens.

Penny reading Amy's book: "Amelia stood before the newly repaired time machine.She regretted giving Cooper the part he needed."
Bernadette: Because she wanted him to give her the part she needed.

Leonard: Stephen Hawking liked our paper. Said the premise is intriguing.
Sheldon: Good to see you again, Mr. Stephen-Hawking- Liked-Our-Paper.
Leonard: And you as well, Mr. Our-Premise-Is-Intriguing.
Howard: How do you do, Mr. I'll- Admit-That's-Pretty-Cool?
Raj: Yeah, you keep setting me up for failure.

Sheldon: Professor Hawking?
Professor Hawking: Oh, brother, you should see the look on your faces.
Leonard: You really didn't like our paper?
Professor Hawking: I like your paper very much. The premise is intriguing.
Sheldon: Then why are you attacking us?
Professor Hawking: If you were sitting in a chair for 40 years, you'd get bored, too. Anyway, got to go. I promised to help the neighbor kid with his math homework. Ciao.

Penny: You look like a talking cupcake!
Pageant Bernadette: And you should pick me for Miss California Quiznos 1999, because I want to...Tell you what I want, what I really really want I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna Really, really, really be Miss California Quiznos 1999!

You mess with the bull, you get the horns. I'm about to show this guy just how horny I can be.

Sheldon

Leonard: Uh, another one says, "The concept shows some real out-of-the-box thinking".
Sheldon: Do you hear that, Mr. Out-Of-The?
Leonard: I do, indeed, Mr. Box-Thinking.

Leonard: You're sure it's good?
Sheldon: My name is right on there with yours. That is a surefire
mark of quality. That might as well say "Directed by Joss Whedon".
Leonard: Okay, partner, let's do it.

Leonard: You wrote a paper on my idea?
Sheldon: I wrote a paper on our idea.
Leonard: When did my idea become our idea?
Sheldon: When I mixed it with Sheldony goodness and cooked it in the Easy-Bake Oven of my mind.
Leonard: This is good. Our idea is really good.
Sheldon: Well, the light bulb in this oven is ridiculously bright.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.