The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Amy: Wait, She-Hulk's a lawyer?
Howard: Yeah, she works at a law firm in New York.
Sheldon: Yes, but she's the only monster at the firm. Between you, me and the wall,I think she's an affirmative action hire.

Sheldon: You know, speaking of attorneys,if I ever needed a lawyer,I would not hire She-Hulk.
Penny: You know what? That was almost on topic. I'm gonna say, "Good job, Sheldon."

Well, my little Flag-keteers, it looks like the last episode of Fun with Flags is at an end. If I could, I would run each and every one of you viewers up a flagpole and salute you. And if you touched the ground, burn you.

Sheldon

Bernadette: I mean, maybe I come off a little strong, but that's only because my dad raised me to be tough and not to take
crap from anybody.
Penny: No. That's fine, but there's a difference between being tough and telling your friend her new pants look like a saggy diaper.
Bernadette: I did say that, didn't I?
Penny: Yeah, you did. I felt so self-conscious, I had to return them.
Bernadette: Where? To Babies R Us?

Professor Sharpe: Yeah, he wrote down everything he ever ate. He was convinced that calorie restriction was the key to living forever.
Raj: Does it work?
Howard: Seriously?
Raj: Well, he could have been hit by a bus. You don't know.

Welcome back. Our guest today is a returning fan favorite. He puts the reading in your rainbow, the Geordi in your La Forge, and the Kunta in your Kinte, Mr. LeVar Burton.

Sheldon

Bernadette: What's his problem?
Penny: Oh. I don't know. Maybe he didn't like the fact that you called his grandson a wuss.
Bernadette: Well, I didn't think you were supposed to say "sissy" anymore.

Bernadette: Dan, you have a grandson. How old is he?
Dan: Seven.
Bernadette: I remember him from the picnic. He was the one crying like a wuss the whole time. I heard he was being picked on by a mean kid. Just builds character. Like my dad said, "Nobody likes a crybaby except their mommies and Democrats."
Dan: I need another drink.

Leonard: Because you don't know how to do cryptanalysis, do you?
Howard: I'm not even sure if it's the right word.

Leonard: What if... what if this is the thing that would've finally let him open that bottle of champagne?
Raj: Maybe he didn't know what to pair champagne with. Strawberries, caviar, oysters. All good choices. Yeah, that look right there is why people eat before they come to your parties.

Raj: When stuff like this gets me down, you know what I like to do?
Howard: Sing "Hakuna Matata" like an eight-year-old girl?
Raj: Wrong, smarty-pants. It's "Everything Is Awesome" from The Lego Movie.

Amy: Say, Betsy Ross, what you working on?
Sheldon as Betsy Ross: I have no idea. Because the story of me sewing the first American flag is unsupported poppycock.
Amy: Then who did sew it, hmm?
Sheldon as Betsy Ross: Don't ask me. I'm just a simple seamstress whose descendants are...out to make a quick buck!

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 1623 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon