Look guys, it's just a guidance system. It's not like you're handing us the Death Star from Star Trek.

Colonel Williams

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the DOVE BARS I ATE. I'M PREGNANT. Try to keep up!

Leonard: You can't put that on Snapchat.
Raj: Fine, I'll put it on Facebook like a caveman.

Penny: When Leonard's feeling anxious, I make him take a long walk.
Amy: Does that help?
Penny: For a while, then he comes back.

I was counting on that money. I need to make as much as my wife so I don't have to try so hard in bed.

Howard

I now pronounce you husband and wife... and weird other husband who came with the apartment.

Bernadette

Sheldon: Why do people cry at weddings?
Mary: They're practicing for what's coming later.

Penny: Your parents are old. Anything unspeakable is finished by 9:30. Go to sleep!

I hope you're right. Because a grown man living with his brother and his brother's wife is weird.

Sheldon

So did you defile my mother, or not?

Sheldon

Excuse me, that is my mother you're talking about! However accurately...

Sheldon

I'm telling ya, I'm not on drugs. The government is out to get me!

Howard

TBBT Quotes

Raj: Okay, here's another one: if a zombie bites a vampire, and the vampire bites a human, does the human become a vampire or a zombie? Or, a zompire?

Amy: Sheldon, there's something else I've been wanting to say, but before I do, I just... I want you to know that you don't have to say it back.I know you're not ready, and I don't want you to say it just because social convention dictates...
Sheldon: I love you, too.
Amy: You said it.
Sheldon: There's no denying I have feelings for you that can't be explained in any other way. I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite. But that seems even more far-fetched. The only conclusion was love.