Does it get any funnier than The Big Bang Theory quotes? There's a reason why this is the highest rated sitcom on television. And that has a lot to do with these Big Bang Theory quotes.

I'm telling ya, I'm not on drugs. The government is out to get me!

Howard

Alfred: I have prayed to God many times... to turn my wife into a pillar of salt.
Mary: Well he came close. He turned her into a block of ice.

You can't ignore it. It's not that postcard that says it's time to go back to the dentist.

Raj

Mother, she's an atheist, not a vampire.

Sheldon

Penny: And when I dropped her off at the hotel, she even gave me a hug.
Leonard: Did she think you were choking, or...?

I'm still human, Penny. Not getting invited to my own son's wedding is difficult to ignore.

Beverly

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but sticks on chairs are comfy.

Raj

You know the golden rule of line etiquette. No cuts, no butts, no coconuts.

Sheldon

Atom of Hydrogen, Adam of Maroon 5. Mic drop.

Leonard

That offer is only good until the third trimester. I can't risk getting amniotic fluid on my spot.

Sheldon

Sheldon. Oh come on. Roller coasters, caffeine, runny eggs. I've been avoiding these things all my life, and now because you're pregnant, you have to.

Wine again? No, thank you. I like my grapes the old fashioned way. In a juice box.

Sheldon
Our section of The Big Bang Theory quotes covers pretty much everything Penny, Leonard, Sheldon and company has ever said. We review this sitcom on a weekly basis and we update our rundown of The Big Bang Theory quotes accordingly. You can - nay, you should! - review these one-liners and quotes on a weekly basis in order to stay current and in order to laugh. You do want to laugh, don't you? Good. We thought so. That's why we pride ourselves on being the top sources for The Bang Theory quotes on the entire World Wide Web.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.