That 70's Show Season 1 Episode 2: "Eric's Birthday" Quotes
(Laurie is folding clothes in the basement; she bends over)
Fez: Holy Mother!
Kelso (nervously): Hello, Laurie.
Laurie: Hello, Kelso, Hyde.
Fez: Who's the goddess?
Kelso: The goddess is Eric's sister.
Hyde: She's not a goddess, she's more the earth mother whore type, which works for me.
(Laurie comes to the basement to do laundry, wearing only a long t-shirt)
Laurie...I want you to stay off my case, it will only take me a minute.
Eric: I don't think Kelso's gonna last that long.
Laurie: Too bad. It's not like I'm completely naked under this. I'm wearning underwear. (she lifts her shirt) See? If we were at the beach you wouldn't even notice me.
Hyde: If we were at the beach, Kelso would be in the water right now.
Red: Oh and uh, here's a 20.
Laurie: Will that cover for gas?
Kitty: Oh well, honey, give her another 10 just in case.
Eric: You know, I could use some gas money.
Red (laughs): Yeah... and if a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its ass when it hops.
Kitty: So, what do you want for your birthday?
Red: Whatever you want. Money is no object, as long as it's reasonable.
Eric: I want a cassette player for the car. A cassette player, not an 8-track. Not an 8-track, okay?
Kitty: Why don't they put record players in cars?
Red: Okay, Eric, if you don't want an 8-track, you won't get one.
Kitty: Oh, but Red, he wants one.
Eric: No, I don't. I don't want an 8-track.
Red: We'll get you a Delco. A genuine GM part for a genuine GM car.
Kelso: Hey, Eric, maybe she's going to give you the big gift. You know, the big gift. You guys know what I'm talking about, right?
Hyde: Yes, Kelso. We got it. Then, we got it.
Fez: I'm not even from here, and I got it.
Red: So, how's your friend, Janice?
Kitty: Oh, she was such a nice girl, how would that happen?
Eric: Well, first the egg travels down the fallopian tube to the uterus, where it attaches to the wall--
Oh, Laurie, I remembered I can't loan you the Vista Cruiser on account of I hate you.