That's it! A gyroscope. It will allow for maximum balance andMr. Hat, you're a genius!

Mr. Garrison

Kyle's Cousin Kyle: I gotta get back to Connecticut.
Sheila: Now that things have changed for Kyle, his mother needs him back.
Kyle: Do you promise! I mean oh That's too bad dude What changed for you?
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Well I invested in that IT thing and there was a bailout so I received a 5 million dollar bailout cross-cheque which I can use to help my family so I guess good-bye, cousin.
Kyle: See ya cousin, hope to see you soon. (whispers)Not too soon I hope.
(The boys all snicker)
(After a few seconds)The Boys (in unison): 5 MILLION DOLLARS?!

Kyle: You especially can't say anything about Jews.
Cartman: Oh Jesus why don't you just cut off my balls!?

Kyle: This is taking too long. The flight to Connecticut is gonna leave. Hey can we speed things up here?!
Airport Inspector: Err sorry but ever since that IT thing came out Airline had to cut back on employees.
Kyle: Dude we're the only ones here. How long does it take 5 people to get through security?
Airport Inspector: Derr let's see, 4 people plus times divided Two hours domestic three hours international.
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Can't we just play hide and seek at home?
Kyle: No!
Airport Inspector (finds something in Kenny's pockets): Aha! What's this a toenail clipper! Die terrorist!!
(shoots Kenny in the head)

Dude, a self hating Jew? You are becoming a stereotype.


Kyle's Cousin Kyle: You, you paid your friends to not make fun of me?
Kyle: Look, it's not because anything's wrong with you.
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Wow, uh, you think it takes $40 to get people to like me.
Kyle: Kyle, I-I'm sorry
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Becuase I mean I really think you could have done it for about 12.50.
Kyle: What?
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Well, I mean, you didn't just start at 40, did you? You you gotta low-ball these things so you have a place to go.
Kyle: [amazed] Oh, dude.

Here with the report is a Hispanic man with some gravy stains on his lapel.

News Anchorman

Why is it so cold in here? I mean I know we're in the mountains, but does that mean we have to freeze to death?

Kyle the super Jew

What's this comfortable filled with? It isn't down is it?

Kyle, the super Jew

Oh that's right, we have 2 Kyles now. We'll just call you Kyle, and you Kyle2.


Linda: Butters can't come out and play, boys. He thinks it's funny to look like a jackass in his school pictures that I have to pay for!
Butters: Huh, but I told you mom. I didn't mean to look like a jackass! It just happened.

Kyle: (about Butters) Dude, that poor kid.
Clyde: Yeah, we got to remember to kick his ass tomorrow.

South Park Season 5 Quotes

Well, you know what I say about kids, they're all pink on the inside.

Mr. Grazier

Just because somebody's gay, doesn't mean they molest children. Straight people do that too.