Chris: Sometimes telling a little white lie is okay. Like when you catch your dad jacking off in a gay men's bathhouse.
Butters: Who's Jack?

One of us, one of us gooble gobble, gooble gobble.

The Ramseys, OJ, and Gary Condit

Tom I'm standing outside the home of Chris and Linda Stotch. They're living every parents nightmare right now, as last night while Miss Stotch was driving with her son in her car, a man stopped her, put a gun to her head and took her son away. When asked who the man was, Miss Stotch replied "Some Puerto Rican guy." Naturally the police are on an all-out man hunt for some Puerto Rican guy.

News Reporter

Reporter 1: Mrs. Stotch, what did the kidnapper look like?
Linda: Puerto Rican.
Repoter 2: Was he tall, short?
Linda: He was... average Puerto Rican height.

One of us,
One of us;
Gooble Gobble,
Gooble Gobble.
One of us,
One of us;
Gooble Gobble,
Gooble Gobble.

</i> All Singing/Chanting

Damn you Internet!
(Butters' dad blames the Internet for his alternative proclivities in this scene with his shocked and disgusted wife)


(Chris Stotch is walked in on by Butters while masturbating in a gay bathhouse private room)
Chris: AHH! Butters!
Butters: Hi, Dad!
Chris: Oh, god! Oh, ohhh!
Butters: I'm glad I found you! I think I know the perfect anniversary present for Mom. What are you doing with your wiener out there, Dad?
Chris: Butters, you need to leave here right now! You need to get out of here! Go home and wait for me to talk to you.
Butters: Oh...well, alright then. Well, see you at home!
(Butters closes the door, and heads back home)
Chris: Oh, Jesus no... oh, what have I done?

Cartman: Doctor, can you tell me exactly how stem cells work?
Doctor: Well you have trillions of cells in your body, heart cells, skin cells, brain cells and so on. But before a cell is designated as a toenail cell, or a pancreas cell, it's what we call a stem cell. Sort of like a blank cell, do you understand?
Cartman: Not at all, but go on.

(Butters touches the cow crap) Ew, it's all sticky.


Butters: Hey fellas, hey fellas! Eric says you gotta come to his house right away.
Stan: Tell him we're busy.
Butters: Oh ah, well he knew you'd say that so he told me to tell you that you don't want to miss this.
Kyle: What? Did he lose 100 pounds?
(The boys laugh)
Butters: Yea, yea he knew you'd say that too so he said to say, uh "Up your ass Jew".

(On the phone) Hello. Is this the University of Colorado Biology Department? Great, uh I understand you're currently doing research on stem cells? Kewl, because I'm currently in possession of some aborted fetuses that I'm looking to unload? Uh, how much do you pay? No, no, come on, ah I got a guy who's gonna give me eighty dollars a pound right now. How about a hundred? Oh you're breaking my balls- I, I'll think about it.
(Next shot)
Bosnod Medical Group? Yeah, I called earlier about the stem cells and the fetuses? Okay, hi Randy, yeah. Oh yes, they've been kept in a cool temperature, yeah. These are primo fetuses, Randy, I wouldn't jerk you around. So what can your company give me for 'em? Oh Randy, you're breaking my balls here. You're breaking my balls, Randy.
(The next shot)
Oh please! Okay, you tell me where you can get aborted fetuses for seventy cents on the dollar? You tell me, Chuck? Yeah, I didn't think so-You know, I'm just like the fetuses, Chuck. I wasn't born yesterday, either. Uh huh. So are you gonna talk to me, or are we just gonna keep bull s******* each other? Breakin' my balls, Chuck.
(The next shot)
I gotta unload these fetuses, you wanna do some research. Are we talkin' here or what? You're breaking my balls. I'm telling you, if you let this deal pass you by, you're making a fetal mistake. That's a joke A hundred ten. Alright, alright, we got a deal. Good bye. (Cartman hangs up the phone) D***, I'm good.


(On the phone) You're breaking my balls. I said, you're breaking my balls, Mr. Thompson. My, my balls.


South Park Season 5 Quotes

(On the phone) You're breaking my balls. I said, you're breaking my balls, Mr. Thompson. My, my balls.


Well, you know what I say about kids, they're all pink on the inside.

Mr. Grazier