South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Mr. Mackey: Garrison, I know this is very difficult, m'kay, but I must ask. Is there a history of sexual abuse in your family?
Mr. Garrison: Some, yes. There was my Uncle Richard. Hehe molested me.
Mr. Mackey: When was that?
Mr. Garrison: Saturday. Lastlast Saturday.

Stan: Whoa! Mr. Hat and Mr. Mackey are fighting.
Mr. Mackey: I'm gonna kick your ass. M'kay?
(children cheering)
Ms. Crabtree: BE QUIET BACK THERE!
(children settle down)
Mr. Mackey: You may have won this time Mr. Hat.

Mr. Garrison: Goddammit, I don't think you children have been working on your fingering!
Cartman: That's not true, Mr. Garrison. Kyle's been working on his fingering with his mom all night long.
(Kenny laughs)
Kyle: Shut up, fatass!
Cartman: No seriously, Kyle's mom said Kyle getting good at fingering.
(Kenny laughs harder and falls out of his chair)
Mr. Garrison: Shut up, Eric!

Mr. Mackey: M'kay Mr. Hat, you need to let me talk to Mr. Garrison. M'kay?
Mr. Garrison: (as Mr. Hat) Why would he wanna talk to a second rate, dopey assed, elementary school psychologist!?
Mr. Mackey: What did you say?!
Mr. Garrison: (as Mr. Hat) You heard me, jackass! There's monkeys that make better counselors than you!

Mr. Mackey: M'kay. That sounded great kids.
Mr. Garrison: Sure, if you like the sound of a peacock getting its neck broken.

Mr. Garrison Sr.: God Dammit! I'm not going to molest you!
Mr. Garrison: YOU DON'T LOVE ME! (Mr. Garrisons cries as he rushes up the stairs)

Oh my God! I crapped my pants!

<i>Cartman plays the "brown noise."</i> Guy Working

(To his father) Sure, you can go out and screw every whore on Rhode Island, but when it came to your own son, you were just TOO BUSY! (Mr.Garrison runs away crying)

Mr.Garrison

Am I the only sane person left on earth?!

</i> Mr. Garrison's Father

"Welcome to ARKANSAS. Yes. We are a state." - Sign at Arkansas boarder

New York Kid: Are all redneck queefs from Colorado as stupid as yous?
Kyle: All right dickhole

Mr. Garrison Sr.: What? I never sexually abused you!
Mr. Garrison: I know! I want to know why not!
Mr. Garrison Sr.: WHAT!?
Mr. Garrison: Was it because I was ugly?
Mr. Garrison Sr.: Oh my God!
Mr. Garrison: It was because I wasn't good enough wasn't it?
Mr. Garrison Sr.: I...no!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 284 in total

South Park Season 3 Quotes

Stan: All we ever heard growing up was "save the rainforest. The rainforest is fragile."
Kyle: Yeah. Fragile, my ass!

Miss Stevens: OK children, we are lost so we have to stay together. Is everyone here?
Craig: I'm not.
Miss Stevens: Who's not? Who's not here?
Craig: Me.