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South-park

Dr. Doctor: Team B? Come in, Team B.
Kenny: (muffled) This is Team B.
Dr. Doctor: Listen, Team B. We've found another path to the generator. There's actually a nice heated walkway to it. So you don't need to walk through all that sewage.
Kenny: (muffled) Are you f*cking telling me that I could've f*cking gone that way?!
Dr. Doctor: Oh. Well, forget I said that, then.

Mephesto Actor: I'd like to announce who the father of Eric Cartman is...
Director: (on megaphone) Bang!
Mephesto Actor: Oh! I've been shot! (falls over)
Barbrady Actor: Nobody move! I'm a law officer!
Chef Actor: My God, I think he's gone into cardiac arrest!
Barbrady Actor: You seem somewhat unnerved by this, Chef...
Chef Actor: Are you accusing me, Barbrady? Because if you are accusing me, don't hide behind your clever riddles!
Barbrady Actor: Our differences must be set aside for now, Mr. Chef. I'm simply a man; a man trying to do my job.
Officer Barbrady: Wow, this is a good movie!

Jimbo: Alright, so far everyone has a long piece of straw. We'll keep drawing
(Jimbo picks a piece of straw.)
Jimbo: (relieved) Whew!
(Mr. Garrison picks a piece of straw.)
Mr. Garrison: (relieved) Whew!
(Officer Barbrady looks at the last piece of straw in his hands.)
Officer Barbrady: Whew.
Jimbo: Wait a minute! Where the hell is the short one??
Officer Barbrady: The short what?
Jimbo: Damn it, Barbrady! When you draw straws, you're supposed to have one of them short! That's how you decide who loses!
Officer Barbrady: That's not how I played it
Mr. Garrison: Oooh, can we hurry this up? My stomach is growling

Well, I think you should keep your laws off of my body!

Liane

Dr. Doctor: We must split up into two teams: Team A and Team B. Team A will consist of myself, Stan, Kyle, Eric, Chef, and Nurse Goodly. Team B will consist of Kenny. Now, listen closely, Team B. Your goal will be to turn on the backup generator. To do this you must brave the storm outside and get into this sewage duct. Meanwhile, Team A will go to the holding area, here where there is a television, and some cocoa. We will drink the cocoa and watch family programming until Team B makes it through the sewage duct. By that time, Team B, remember that's you Kenny, should reach the outer core of the generator. It will be a cold and dangerous climb to the top, and there could be velociraptors here. Once you reach the top, you should be able to get a clear view from this window of us drinking cocoa and watching television. Then, you could proceed down into the generator, and power it on. Are there any questions?
Cartman: No, that sounds pretty sweet to me.
Dr. Doctor: Great, then, let's do it. Go, Team!
Kenny: (muffled) Huh?

Chef: Wait a second. They closed the pass??
Dr. Doctor: Yes. I'm afraid we're critically understaffed. Unless we get help soon, all these people here are completely ****ed.
(Everyone in the waiting room gasp in horror.)
Dr. Doctor: Metaphorically speaking, that is.

Chef: Doctor, we've got a shot-cracker outside!
Doctor: I'll be right with you in a minute, right after I inject this man with a long needle.
Stan: Oh, man. I'm gonna be sick...
Doctor: There there, young man. Medical science is nothing to be afraid of. (injects the needle and Stan groans)
Nurse: Ooh, I think you're hitting the bone...
(Stan groans again.)
Doctor: Yes, I can feel the needle scraping in there.
(The patient starts bleeding.)
Doctor: Oop! He's hemorrhaging.
(Blood lands near Stan as he leaps away and shrieks; the patients head then falls off.)
Doctor: Oop! His head fell off!
Stan: (running away) I'm getting outta here!
Kyle: Stan!
Doctor: Well, some people just have a weak stomach.

Mayor: Officer Barbrady, let's pretend for one second that we had a competent law enforcer in this town. What would he do?
Officer Barbrady: Hmmm. That's a good question, Mayor. Let me get right on that, with thinking.

Mayor: Are you sure this wouldn't make our little town look dangerous?
Sid Greenfield: Don't worry, Mayor. America's Most Wanted is not about violence, it's about family.
Cameraman: It is?

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