South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 1 Episode 2: "Weight Gain 4000" Quotes
Stan: That's impossible! Cartman doesn't know a rainforest from a Pop-Tart!
Cartman: Yeah, I do! Pop-Tarts are frosted!
Mayor: Kathy Lee Gifford in South Park. This is our chance to make a name for ourselves: to prove that we're not just some piss-ant, white bread, mountain town.
Stan: What's that stuff?
Cartman: Weight Gain 4000, it's helping me bulk up.
Kyle: Bulk up to what? Fat ass?
Stan: Super fat ass?
Cartman: I'm gonna be on television. I'm gonna be on television.
Stan: We don't believe for a minute that you won that contest fairly, fat boy.
Cartman: Oh, stop defending your girlfriend for writing about some stupid fish.
Stan: Dude, dolphins aren't stupid. They're intelligent and friendly.
Cartman: Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.
Dophins, Eskimos, who cares? It's all a bunch of tree-lovin' hippy crap!
Cartman
Mayor McDaniels: Kathie Lee Gifford loves kids.
Mayor's assistant: When they're in a sweatshop that is!
Mr. Garrison: I'm just sorry I ruined everyone's chances to be on TV.
Kyle: Not Cartman, he gets to be on TV anyway!
Mr. Garrison: Really? On what?
Geraldo: Obesity, anaposity, corpulence. Whatever word you use, it still represents one thing. Being a big fat ass. We have now, live via satellite, Eric Cartman, who is now so obese he can't even leave his bedroom.
Cartman: When is this gonna be on the air?
Geraldo: Do you have anything to say to the viewers at home?
Cartman: Follow your dreams. You can achieve your goals; I'm living proof. Beefcake. Beefcake!!
Mayor: Come on, people! We've got to turn this place around! Hang up those lights, put up that banner, castrate the cows!
Cows: Moo?!
Mr. Garrison: Thanks. Hello Officer Barbrady.
Officer Barbrady: Nice gun.
Mr. Garrison: Thanks. Is there somewhere in town where I can get a good clear shot- er, view of Kathie Lee?
Officer Barbrady: You know, I think the book depository would be a good bet.
