South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Where the hell's Phillip?

Cartman

Terrance: You know, we've learned something today. When you've been through a lot with someone, you can't let trite things come between you.
Phillip: That's right, Terrance. You should only let trite things come between your ass cheeks. (they both fart and laugh)

I'm warning you. You better not promise things to Earth Day people that you cannot deliver. Earth Day people can bevery unforgiving.

Earth Day person

Stan: The four of us can't help tomorrow night.
Earth Day person: (angrily) YouWhat?

I'm pleased to announce that the National Earth Day Organization has chosen South Park as its location for the Earth Day Brainwashing Festival!

Ms.Choksondick

TV Announcer: See Terrance and Phillip live and in person!
Stan: What's this?

And so in her career filled with lies, back-stabbing, and whoring herself for money, she learned that the price of fame can be pleasing 65 year-old men in a dark dirty alley.

TV show commentator

Nothing is more important than the environment, boys. Not even your lives!

Earth Day Person

Phillip: I'm looking for a mechanic. Can you tell me how to get to the auto garage?
Terrance: Sure, buddy! All you need to do is go down to the - (he farts loudly so nobody could hear what he is saying) - and that's how you get to the auto garage!
Phillip: Can you tell me how to get to the auto garage without farting?
Terrance: Sure. You go the same way except stick your finger up your ass.
Phillip: No, no, no! I mean, could you tell me the directions again without you farting?
Terrance: Ooh! Sure! Just stick your finger up my ass.
Phillip: Alright, no problem, buddy. (sticks finger up his ass) Now, tell me, how do I get to the auto garage to see a mechanic?
Terrance: You're at the auto garage. I am the mechanic.
Phillip: Why the heck didn't you tell me you were the mechanic?
Stan: (watching it on TV) Because I had an itch up my ass.
Terrance: Because I had an itch up my ass.

Phillip: Why don't you go eat some more pudding, you fatass drug addict!
Terrance: I may be fat but at least I didn't get hair plugs!

Kyle: Hey! Look at that line! It's way shorter.
Stan: I don't think we're female groupies or random sluts.
Cartman: Kenny's a random slut.

Cartman: Look, if you don't come and do the show, I'll make you eat your parents.
Phillip: Yeah, whatever, kid.
Stan: He'll do it, dude.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 27 in total

South Park Season 5 Episode 5 Quotes


Beef and lamb, chicken and ham,
Step to the left and clap your hands.
Gosh we love that chicken and ham.
Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
clapping sound
Beef and lamb, chicken and ham,
Step to the left and clap your hands.
Got a little left, chicken and ham.
Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
Beef and lamb, chicken and ham,
Step to the left and clap your hands.
Gosh we love that chicken and ham.
Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.

<i>Full lyrics to the song Terrance and Phillip sing, as used on the closing credits

(The birth of Terrance and Phillip's famous act)
Narrator: At the tender age of six, Terrance and Phillip were off to the United States to perform on the Ed Sullivan Show, where American audiences would be exposed to Canadians for the first time.
Ed Sullivan: And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have two adorable little boys from Canada. Please put your hands together for the music of young Terrance and Phillip.
Terrance and Phillip: Beef and lamb, chicken and ham, step to the left and clap your hands. Gosh we love that chicken and ham. Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
(Clapping sound)
Woman in audience: Oh my God! What's wrong with their heads?!
Man in audience: It's alright, darling. They're just Canadian.
Woman in audience: Oh.
Terrance and Phillip: Beef and lamb, chicken and ham, step to the left and clap your hands. Got a little left, chicken and ham. Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
(The audience barely applauds)
Narrator: The Canadian act confused American audiences. But then something happened that would change Terrance and Phillip's act forever.
(Phillip farts, which causes Ed and the audience to laugh and applaud loudly.)
(Terrance also farts, which causes the audience to laugh even louder.)
Narrator: It was the birth of Canadian comedy.