South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Yay let us ponder the Lord's mercy. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Father Maxi

Kyle: (to Chef) Hey, are you come to Ike's bris this weekend?
Chef: Oh, hell no! I can't bear to see that!
Stan: What do you mean?
Chef: Don't you boys know what a bris is?? They're going to circumcise him!
Cartman: Eh, what's that?
Chef: (to himself) Oh, boy. Here we go again (to the boys) Children, uh What's the one thing that's more sacred to a man than anything else in the world?
Stan: Uh, bicycles?
Cartman: Ham?
Kyle: No, not ham, you fat ****!
Cartman: (to Kyle) Screw you! (to Chef) It's ham, isn't it?
Chef: No no no, children. I'm talking about the most important part of a man's body.
Kyle: Uh, your heart?
Stan: Your eyes!
(Chef puts his hand on his head.)
Kenny: (muffled) I know! Your penis!
Chef: That's right!
Cartman: Hey! My mom says you're not supposed to call it a penis, Kenny! You're supposed to call it a fireman!
Chef: A fireman??
Cartman: That's the proper way to say it, or else you'll get a spanking!
Chef: (gets into car) Damn it, children! Why do I always have to be the one to explain all of this stuff to you? Ask your parents for once!
Kyle: Hey, wait!
(Chef drives off.)
Stan: (to Kenny) Dude, something tells me this "bris" thing isn't good!

Chef: Hello there, children!
Boys: Hey, Chef!
Kyle: How's it going?
Chef: Bad
Kyle: Why bad?
Chef: Children, I heard about what happened at school today! Now none of you tooked that nasty marijuana, did you?
Stan: No, dude! We never even saw it!
Chef: Okay, because I just want to tell you that drugs are bad.
Stan: We know, we know, that's what everybody says!
Chef: Right. But do you know WHY they're bad?
Kyle: Because they're an addictive solution to a greater problem, causing disease of both body and mind, the consequences far outweighing their supposed benefits.
Chef: And do you have ANY idea what that means?
Kyle: No.
Cartman: I know! Drugs are bad, because if you do drugs, you're a hippie; and hippies suck!

Kyle: You know, I've learned something today. Family isn't about whose blood you have, it's who you care about. That's why I feel you guys are more then just my friends; You're my family.
Stan: Yeah.
Kyle: Except for Cartman.
Stan: Naturally.
Cartman: Well screw you guys! I don't wanna be in your penis choppin' family anyway!

Displaying quotes 13 - 16 of 16 in total

South Park Season 2 Episode 4 Quotes

Stan: (about Kyle telling his parents) Dude, you shouldn't have told them that; now they're gonna go find him and cut off his penis!
Cartman: Fireman.
Kyle: Ah, who the hell cares? He's not even my responsibility!
(Kenny falls in an empty grave; the gravestone breaks in half and falls on him, killing him as well.)
Stan: Oh, my god! They killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards.

Stan: Why do dogs have cold noses?
Mr. Mackey: Uuuhh.. well I'm not sure.