Debbie: Hey, I'm sorry.
Woman: Fuck you!

Debbie: Hey, would you be so kind as to get me the morning after pill?
Woman: Of course.

Nessa: She okay?
Fiona: Mrs. Cardinal's dead.

Kev: I can be all gender-liquid like you.
V: You mean gender-fluid?

You're really nice when you need something. I want you to grovel.

Principal: Mr. Gallagher, a word. Liam failed his exam today. He only got two out of ten questions correct.
Liam: I didn't understand the questions.
Frank: What kind of questions are we talking?
Principal: Basic word association.

Sit on my face, and call me Bernard. Who's Bernard?

Kev

Debbie: Neil kicked me out so he could live with that conniving physical therapy slut, Lakeyshia, so I'm moving back in. And I don't want to hear your mouth or anyone else's about it because I am not asking for permission. I'm a Gallagher, and I can live here anytime I please until I'm back on my feet. And I don't want to talk about how much it's going to cost because I'm going to pay my fair share.
Fiona: I was just going to say hi.

Fiona: Grab your blowtorch, my grown ass druggie tenant got his head stuck in a fence.
Debbie: Okay, you paying?
Fiona: Yeah, same shit money as usual.
Debbie: As soon as I pass my welding qualification final, my fee goes up to not shit money.

Sean: Hey, I was hoping, uh, I might be able to catch you for a sec.
Fiona: Let's go, Debs.
Debbie: Liam, how many times have I told you not to answer the door for douchebags?

Fiona: Maybe he wants me to know he got clean?
Debbie: You don't need him, Fiona. You're a strong, independent woman. Just like me.

Ian: You don't understand. We don't know anything about your meth.
Man: Bullshit. Monica was fucking indestructible. There's no way she just lost seven pounds of meth, so either she smoked it, or she sold it, or her fucked up family stole it. And in anyone of those scenarios, I am still owed seventy fucking grand.

Shameless Quotes

Sit on my face, and call me Bernard. Who's Bernard?

Kev

When you're poor, the only way to make money is to steal it or scam it.

Lip