Kramer: Well Newman jumped last night.
Jerry: What? Did you talk to him? What did you say?
Kramer: I said 'Wave when you pass my window.'

(to George) You can't win. You can't beat me. That's why I'm here, and you're there. Because I'm a winner. I'll always be a winner, and you'll always be a loser.

Rick

(to Kramer) You're like Lex Luthor!

Jerry

George: I'm emotional!
Jerry: That's right. You're emotional!

Is that Costanza over there?

Rick

George: I like sports. I could do something in sports.
Jerry: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity?
George: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, that - that could be tough to get.
George: Well, it doesn't even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a colour man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.
George: Well, that's really not fair.
Jerry: I know. Well, okay. Okay. What else do you like?
George: Movies. I like to watch movies.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah.
George: Do they pay people to watch movies?
Jerry: Projectionists.
George: That's true.
Jerry: But you gotta know how to work the projector.
George: Right.
Jerry: And it's probably a union thing.
George: (scoffs) Those unions. (sighs) Okay. Sports, movies what about a talk show host?
Jerry: Talk show host. That's good.
George: I think I'd be good at that. I talk to people all the time. Someone even told me once they thought I'd be a good talk show host.
Jerry: Really?
George: Yeah. A couple of people. I don't get that, though. Where do you start?
Jerry: Well, that's where it gets tricky.
George: You can't just walk into a building and say "I wanna be a talk show host".
Jerry: I wouldn't think so.
George: It's all politics.
Jerry: All right, okay. Sports, movies, talk show host. What else?
George: This could have been a huge mistake.
Jerry: Well, it doesn't sound like you completely thought this through.

Don't worry. It's perfectly safe. I researched it. He'll get a little woozy. He might keel over.

George

So, anybody leaves anything here, you can just take it? You have a license to steal? You are like the James Bond of laundry?

Jerry

Elaine: So I'm going to a nudist colony next week.
Rick: Nudist colony?
Elaine: Oh yeah, yeah I love nudist colonies they help me unwind. Bleh.
Rick: I've never been to one.
Elaine: Oh really you should go their great! Except when there over it's hard to get used to clothes, so sometimes when I'm in my office I just sit there naked.
Rick: Really?
Elaine: Oh yeah I usually sit around naked a couple hours a day. I cook naked, I clean naked, I drive naked, naked, naked, naked!
Rick: Who are you!?
Elaine: Trust me mister you don't wanna know.

(about a suicidal friend) What am I supposed to do? Tell him how much there is to live for? Why should I lie to the guy?

Kramer

Jerry: (about the laundromat's "Not Responsible For Items Lost Or Stolen" sign) Oh, I see, so you put up a sign and you can steal whatever you want. You're not a part of society.
Laundromat Owner: That's right, cause this is my country, I'm the president, and that's my constitution: "I'm not responsible."

George: I like horses. I could be a stable boy.
(thinking)
George: Nah, it's probably a union thing.

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 196 in total

Seinfeld Season 2 Quotes

(George, Jerry and Elaine are sitting at a table. Jerry and George are wearing baseball uniforms.)
George: Who gets picked off in softball? It's unheard of.
Jerry: It's never happened to me before.
Elaine: I remember saying to myself, "Why is Jerry so far off the base?"
Jerry: I'll have to live with this shame for the rest of my life.
(George consults his stat sheet of the game)
George: And then in the fifth inning, why did you take off on the pop fly?
Jerry: I thought there were two outs.
Elaine: I couldn't believe it when I saw you running. (laughing) I thought maybe they had changed the rules or something.
Jerry: It was the single worst moment of my life.
George: What about Sharon Besser?
Jerry: Oh, well, of course. Nineteen seventy three.
Elaine: Makes you wonder, though, doesn't it?
Jerry: Wonder about what?
Elaine: You know (looking up) the spirit world.
Jerry: You think Manya showed up during the game and put a hex on me?
Elaine: I never saw anyone play like that.
Jerry: But I went to the funeral.
Elaine: Yeah, but that doesn't make up for killing her.
George: Maybe Manya missed the funeral because she was off visiting another galaxy that day.
Jerry: Don't you think she would've heard I was there?
George: Not necessarily.
(pause)
Jerry: Who figures an immigrant's gonna have a pony?
(Elaine laughs)

Jerry: I hate anybody who had a pony growing up.
Manya: I had a pony!
Jerry: Well, I didn't mean a pony per se
Manya: When I was a little girl in Poland, we all had ponies. My sister had pony, my cousin had pony. So, what's wrong with that?
Jerry: Nothing. Nothing at all. I was just expressing
Helen: Should we have coffee? Who's having coffee?
Manya: He was a beautiful pony. And I loved him!
Jerry: Well, I'm sure you did. Who wouldn't love a pony? Who wouldn't love a person who had a pony?
Manya: You! You said so!

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