Seinfeld Season 2 Quotes
I'll tell ya, if I ever get out of here, I'm gonna change my life. I'm gonna do a whole Zen...thing...George
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My name is Bob!Kramer
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Tor: No. You know, I am not a business man. I'm a holistic healer. It's a calling, it's a gift. You see, it's in the best interest of the medical profession that you remain sick. You see, that insures good business. You're not a patient. You're a customer.
Jerry: And you're not a doctor, but you play one in real life.
- Permalink: No. You know, I am not a business man. I'm a holistic healer. It...
I'm an eggplant!George
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Well it's like the Capulets and the Montagues.Jerry
- Permalink: Well it's like the Capulets and the Montagues.
George: What should I do, Kramer?Jerry: Well for one thing, don't listen to him.
- Permalink: Well for one thing, don't listen to him.
Women go after doctors like men go after models, they want someone with knowledge of the body, we just want the body.Jerry
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Yeah if you're exposed to gamma rays!Jerry
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Boy, they've got a great cafeteria downstairs. Hot food, sandwiches, a salad bar. It's like a Sizzler's opened up a hospital!Kramer
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Elaine: Hey, where's Kramer?
Jerry: I don't know. That's like asking: where's Waldo?
- Permalink: Hey, where's Kramer? where's Waldo?
Meningitis? Scoliosis? Lupus? Is it Lupus?!George
- Permalink: Meningitis? Scoliosis? Lupus? Is it Lupus?!
You're bringing in an outside cucumber?Elaine
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(George, Jerry and Elaine are sitting at a table. Jerry and George are wearing baseball uniforms.)
George: Who gets picked off in softball? It's unheard of.
Jerry: It's never happened to me before.
Elaine: I remember saying to myself, "Why is Jerry so far off the base?"
Jerry: I'll have to live with this shame for the rest of my life.
(George consults his stat sheet of the game)
George: And then in the fifth inning, why did you take off on the pop fly?
Jerry: I thought there were two outs.
Elaine: I couldn't believe it when I saw you running. (laughing) I thought maybe they had changed the rules or something.
Jerry: It was the single worst moment of my life.
George: What about Sharon Besser?
Jerry: Oh, well, of course. Nineteen seventy three.
Elaine: Makes you wonder, though, doesn't it?
Jerry: Wonder about what?
Elaine: You know (looking up) the spirit world.
Jerry: You think Manya showed up during the game and put a hex on me?
Elaine: I never saw anyone play like that.
Jerry: But I went to the funeral.
Elaine: Yeah, but that doesn't make up for killing her.
George: Maybe Manya missed the funeral because she was off visiting another galaxy that day.
Jerry: Don't you think she would've heard I was there?
George: Not necessarily.
Jerry: Who figures an immigrant's gonna have a pony?
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Jerry: I hate anybody who had a pony growing up.
Manya: I had a pony!
Jerry: Well, I didn't mean a pony per se
Manya: When I was a little girl in Poland, we all had ponies. My sister had pony, my cousin had pony. So, what's wrong with that?
Jerry: Nothing. Nothing at all. I was just expressing
Helen: Should we have coffee? Who's having coffee?
Manya: He was a beautiful pony. And I loved him!
Jerry: Well, I'm sure you did. Who wouldn't love a pony? Who wouldn't love a person who had a pony?
Manya: You! You said so!
- Permalink: I hate anybody who had a pony growing up. I had a pony! Well...