Where are you living? Are you here? Are you on this planet? It's impossible. It can't be done. Thousands of years people have been trying to have their cake and eat it too. So all of a sudden the two of you are going to come along and do it. Where do you get the ego? No one can do it. It can't be done.

George

Hoh hoh hoh, yes! Yes...Cleveland 117, San Antonio 109.

Tor

Could it be...luke-warm?

George

I'll tell ya, if I ever get out of here, I'm gonna change my life. I'm gonna do a whole Zen...thing...

George

Boy, they've got a great cafeteria downstairs. Hot food, sandwiches, a salad bar. It's like a Sizzler's opened up a hospital!

Kramer

My name is Bob!

Kramer

Tor: No. You know, I am not a business man. I'm a holistic healer. It's a calling, it's a gift. You see, it's in the best interest of the medical profession that you remain sick. You see, that insures good business. You're not a patient. You're a customer.
Jerry: And you're not a doctor, but you play one in real life.

I'm an eggplant!

George

George: It's all over for me. In fact...let's end it right now. Jerry, kill me, kill me now. I'm begging you. Let's just get it over with. Be a pal. Just take the pillow and put it over my face.
Jerry: Well, uh...What? Kinda like this?
George (muffled) What are you doing?! What are you, crazy?!
Elaine: Jerry!
Jerry: Elaine! What are you doing here?

George: What should I do, Kramer?Jerry: Well for one thing, don't listen to him.

Women go after doctors like men go after models, they want someone with knowledge of the body, we just want the body.

Jerry

Yeah if you're exposed to gamma rays!

Jerry

Seinfeld Season 2 Quotes

Mr. Benes: Are you working?
Elaine: Yeah, I'm reading manuscripts for Pendant Publishing. I told you ten times.
Mr. Benes: Pendant, those bastards!

(about the marathon) Ah, what's to see? A woman from Norway, a guy from Kenya and 20,000 losers.

Jerry