For fifty bucks? I'd stick my face in their soup and blow!

George

I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?

Jerry

George: Yes, I'm expecting a call for Costanza.
Bruce: Yes, someone call. I say "Cartwright! Cartright!" but no one come and I hang up.

Health cookies. I hate those dustboard, fructose things.

Elaine

Cable boy. Cable boy. What have you done to my little cable boy?

Kramer

Jerry: Excuse me. Can I get something to drink?
Flight Attendant: I'm afraid not.
Jerry: What's with this airline? What, are you cutting out the drinks now?

Elaine: My roommate has Lyme disease.
Jerry: I thought she had Epstein-Barr syndrome?
Elaine: She has this in addition to Epstein-Barr. It's like Epstein-Barr with a twist of Lyme disease.

Red shirt! Red shirt! That's the red shirt!

Jerry

Look, will you at least let me bring the guy over? He's an amazing man. He's a Russian immigrant. He escaped the Gulag! He's like the Sakharov of cable guys.

Kramer

(to Jerry) I'm offering you 53 channels, movies, sports, nudity, and it's free for life!

Kramer

My name is Bill. I might be the last person you ever see.

Bill

Elaine, who catered this, Sears?

Leslie

Seinfeld Season 2 Quotes

(George, Jerry and Elaine are sitting at a table. Jerry and George are wearing baseball uniforms.)
George: Who gets picked off in softball? It's unheard of.
Jerry: It's never happened to me before.
Elaine: I remember saying to myself, "Why is Jerry so far off the base?"
Jerry: I'll have to live with this shame for the rest of my life.
(George consults his stat sheet of the game)
George: And then in the fifth inning, why did you take off on the pop fly?
Jerry: I thought there were two outs.
Elaine: I couldn't believe it when I saw you running. (laughing) I thought maybe they had changed the rules or something.
Jerry: It was the single worst moment of my life.
George: What about Sharon Besser?
Jerry: Oh, well, of course. Nineteen seventy three.
Elaine: Makes you wonder, though, doesn't it?
Jerry: Wonder about what?
Elaine: You know (looking up) the spirit world.
Jerry: You think Manya showed up during the game and put a hex on me?
Elaine: I never saw anyone play like that.
Jerry: But I went to the funeral.
Elaine: Yeah, but that doesn't make up for killing her.
George: Maybe Manya missed the funeral because she was off visiting another galaxy that day.
Jerry: Don't you think she would've heard I was there?
George: Not necessarily.
(pause)
Jerry: Who figures an immigrant's gonna have a pony?
(Elaine laughs)

Jerry: I hate anybody who had a pony growing up.
Manya: I had a pony!
Jerry: Well, I didn't mean a pony per se
Manya: When I was a little girl in Poland, we all had ponies. My sister had pony, my cousin had pony. So, what's wrong with that?
Jerry: Nothing. Nothing at all. I was just expressing
Helen: Should we have coffee? Who's having coffee?
Manya: He was a beautiful pony. And I loved him!
Jerry: Well, I'm sure you did. Who wouldn't love a pony? Who wouldn't love a person who had a pony?
Manya: You! You said so!