George: If anything happens here can I count on you?
Jerry: What?
George: If we decide to go at it.
Jerry: Yeah, I want to get into a rumble.

So, we start to fool around and I begin to perceive this impending intestinal requirement whose needs are going to surpass by great length anything in the sexual realm.


You're never gonna stop crime, we should at least be clean.


I tell her you not here, she say curse word, I hang up.


Jerry: Excuse me. Can I get something to drink?
Flight Attendant: I'm afraid not.
Jerry: What's with this airline? What, are you cutting out the drinks now?

(to Jerry) I'm offering you 53 channels, movies, sports, nudity, and it's free for life!


Cable boy. Cable boy. What have you done to my little cable boy?


Look, will you at least let me bring the guy over? He's an amazing man. He's a Russian immigrant. He escaped the Gulag! He's like the Sakharov of cable guys.


Jerry: What you're suggesting is illegal.
Kramer: It's not illegal!
Jerry: It's against the law.
Kramer: Well, yeah.

Red shirt! Red shirt! That's the red shirt!


Elaine: My roommate has Lyme disease.
Jerry: I thought she had Epstein-Barr syndrome?
Elaine: She has this in addition to Epstein-Barr. It's like Epstein-Barr with a twist of Lyme disease.

Elaine, who catered this, Sears?


Seinfeld Season 2 Quotes

George: I like sports. I could do something in sports.
Jerry: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity?
George: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, that - that could be tough to get.
George: Well, it doesn't even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a colour man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.
George: Well, that's really not fair.
Jerry: I know. Well, okay. Okay. What else do you like?
George: Movies. I like to watch movies.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah.
George: Do they pay people to watch movies?
Jerry: Projectionists.
George: That's true.
Jerry: But you gotta know how to work the projector.
George: Right.
Jerry: And it's probably a union thing.
George: (scoffs) Those unions. (sighs) Okay. Sports, movies what about a talk show host?
Jerry: Talk show host. That's good.
George: I think I'd be good at that. I talk to people all the time. Someone even told me once they thought I'd be a good talk show host.
Jerry: Really?
George: Yeah. A couple of people. I don't get that, though. Where do you start?
Jerry: Well, that's where it gets tricky.
George: You can't just walk into a building and say "I wanna be a talk show host".
Jerry: I wouldn't think so.
George: It's all politics.
Jerry: All right, okay. Sports, movies, talk show host. What else?
George: This could have been a huge mistake.
Jerry: Well, it doesn't sound like you completely thought this through.

(George, Jerry and Elaine are sitting at a table. Jerry and George are wearing baseball uniforms.)
George: Who gets picked off in softball? It's unheard of.
Jerry: It's never happened to me before.
Elaine: I remember saying to myself, "Why is Jerry so far off the base?"
Jerry: I'll have to live with this shame for the rest of my life.
(George consults his stat sheet of the game)
George: And then in the fifth inning, why did you take off on the pop fly?
Jerry: I thought there were two outs.
Elaine: I couldn't believe it when I saw you running. (laughing) I thought maybe they had changed the rules or something.
Jerry: It was the single worst moment of my life.
George: What about Sharon Besser?
Jerry: Oh, well, of course. Nineteen seventy three.
Elaine: Makes you wonder, though, doesn't it?
Jerry: Wonder about what?
Elaine: You know (looking up) the spirit world.
Jerry: You think Manya showed up during the game and put a hex on me?
Elaine: I never saw anyone play like that.
Jerry: But I went to the funeral.
Elaine: Yeah, but that doesn't make up for killing her.
George: Maybe Manya missed the funeral because she was off visiting another galaxy that day.
Jerry: Don't you think she would've heard I was there?
George: Not necessarily.
Jerry: Who figures an immigrant's gonna have a pony?
(Elaine laughs)