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George: If anything happens here can I count on you?
Jerry: What?
George: If we decide to go at it.
Jerry: Yeah, I want to get into a rumble.

So, we start to fool around and I begin to perceive this impending intestinal requirement whose needs are going to surpass by great length anything in the sexual realm.

George

You're never gonna stop crime, we should at least be clean.

George

I tell her you not here, she say curse word, I hang up.

Bruce

Jerry: Excuse me. Can I get something to drink?
Flight Attendant: I'm afraid not.
Jerry: What's with this airline? What, are you cutting out the drinks now?

(to Jerry) I'm offering you 53 channels, movies, sports, nudity, and it's free for life!

Kramer

Cable boy. Cable boy. What have you done to my little cable boy?

Kramer

Look, will you at least let me bring the guy over? He's an amazing man. He's a Russian immigrant. He escaped the Gulag! He's like the Sakharov of cable guys.

Kramer

Jerry: What you're suggesting is illegal.
Kramer: It's not illegal!
Jerry: It's against the law.
Kramer: Well, yeah.

Red shirt! Red shirt! That's the red shirt!

Jerry

Elaine: My roommate has Lyme disease.
Jerry: I thought she had Epstein-Barr syndrome?
Elaine: She has this in addition to Epstein-Barr. It's like Epstein-Barr with a twist of Lyme disease.

Elaine, who catered this, Sears?

Leslie
Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 196 in total

Seinfeld Season 2 Quotes

(George, Jerry and Elaine are sitting at a table. Jerry and George are wearing baseball uniforms.)
George: Who gets picked off in softball? It's unheard of.
Jerry: It's never happened to me before.
Elaine: I remember saying to myself, "Why is Jerry so far off the base?"
Jerry: I'll have to live with this shame for the rest of my life.
(George consults his stat sheet of the game)
George: And then in the fifth inning, why did you take off on the pop fly?
Jerry: I thought there were two outs.
Elaine: I couldn't believe it when I saw you running. (laughing) I thought maybe they had changed the rules or something.
Jerry: It was the single worst moment of my life.
George: What about Sharon Besser?
Jerry: Oh, well, of course. Nineteen seventy three.
Elaine: Makes you wonder, though, doesn't it?
Jerry: Wonder about what?
Elaine: You know (looking up) the spirit world.
Jerry: You think Manya showed up during the game and put a hex on me?
Elaine: I never saw anyone play like that.
Jerry: But I went to the funeral.
Elaine: Yeah, but that doesn't make up for killing her.
George: Maybe Manya missed the funeral because she was off visiting another galaxy that day.
Jerry: Don't you think she would've heard I was there?
George: Not necessarily.
(pause)
Jerry: Who figures an immigrant's gonna have a pony?
(Elaine laughs)

Jerry: I hate anybody who had a pony growing up.
Manya: I had a pony!
Jerry: Well, I didn't mean a pony per se
Manya: When I was a little girl in Poland, we all had ponies. My sister had pony, my cousin had pony. So, what's wrong with that?
Jerry: Nothing. Nothing at all. I was just expressing
Helen: Should we have coffee? Who's having coffee?
Manya: He was a beautiful pony. And I loved him!
Jerry: Well, I'm sure you did. Who wouldn't love a pony? Who wouldn't love a person who had a pony?
Manya: You! You said so!