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The only excuse she might possibly have accepted is if I told her I am in reality Batman, and I'm very sorry I just saw the Bat-signal!

George

So, we start to fool around and I begin to perceive this impending intestinal requirement whose needs are going to surpass by great length anything in the sexual realm.

George

Health cookies. I hate those dustboard, fructose things.

Elaine

This isn't plans one through eight. It's Plan Nine! The worst movie EVER made!

Jerry

George: If anything happens here can I count on you?
Jerry: What?
George: If we decide to go at it.
Jerry: Yeah, I want to get into a rumble.

I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?

Jerry

For fifty bucks? I'd stick my face in their soup and blow!

George

Seinfeld, four.

Bruce

Remember when you first went out to eat with your parents? Remember, it was such a treat. You go and they serve you this different food that you never saw before. They put it in front of you and it was such a delicious and exciting adventure and now I just feel like a big sweaty hog waiting for them to fill up the trough.

Elaine

George: Yes, I'm expecting a call for Costanza.
Bruce: Yes, someone call. I say "Cartwright! Cartright!" but no one come and I hang up.

New York to Long Island. Long Island to Florida. It's like the Bermuda Triangle. Unfortunately no one ever disappears.

Jerry

Movie theater hot dogs, I'd rather lick the food off the floor.

Elaine
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 196 in total

Seinfeld Season 2 Quotes

(George, Jerry and Elaine are sitting at a table. Jerry and George are wearing baseball uniforms.)
George: Who gets picked off in softball? It's unheard of.
Jerry: It's never happened to me before.
Elaine: I remember saying to myself, "Why is Jerry so far off the base?"
Jerry: I'll have to live with this shame for the rest of my life.
(George consults his stat sheet of the game)
George: And then in the fifth inning, why did you take off on the pop fly?
Jerry: I thought there were two outs.
Elaine: I couldn't believe it when I saw you running. (laughing) I thought maybe they had changed the rules or something.
Jerry: It was the single worst moment of my life.
George: What about Sharon Besser?
Jerry: Oh, well, of course. Nineteen seventy three.
Elaine: Makes you wonder, though, doesn't it?
Jerry: Wonder about what?
Elaine: You know (looking up) the spirit world.
Jerry: You think Manya showed up during the game and put a hex on me?
Elaine: I never saw anyone play like that.
Jerry: But I went to the funeral.
Elaine: Yeah, but that doesn't make up for killing her.
George: Maybe Manya missed the funeral because she was off visiting another galaxy that day.
Jerry: Don't you think she would've heard I was there?
George: Not necessarily.
(pause)
Jerry: Who figures an immigrant's gonna have a pony?
(Elaine laughs)

Jerry: I hate anybody who had a pony growing up.
Manya: I had a pony!
Jerry: Well, I didn't mean a pony per se
Manya: When I was a little girl in Poland, we all had ponies. My sister had pony, my cousin had pony. So, what's wrong with that?
Jerry: Nothing. Nothing at all. I was just expressing
Helen: Should we have coffee? Who's having coffee?
Manya: He was a beautiful pony. And I loved him!
Jerry: Well, I'm sure you did. Who wouldn't love a pony? Who wouldn't love a person who had a pony?
Manya: You! You said so!