Seinfeld Season 1 Quotes

Jerry: How can you talk to someone like that?
Joel: What are you saying? What, you like turkey roll?

George: I know a guy who took a vacation on his change.
Jerry: Yeah, Where'd he go, an arcade?

Why did I tell her I like her? I have this sick compulsion to tell women how I feel.

George

I was ten... I would've been friends with Stalin if he had a Ping-Pong table.

Jerry

George: You can't have people shoving their arms into a 600 degree oven.
Kramer: It's all supervised!

I'm really running out of excuses with this guy. I need some sort of "excuse Rolodex."

Jerry

I do not like the bank. I've heard the expression "Laughing all the way to the bank." I have never seen anyone actually doing it. And those bank lines. I hate it when there's nobody on the line at all, you know that part, you go to the bank, it's empty and you still have to go through the little maze. "Can you get a little piece of cheese for me? I'm almost at the front. I'd like a reward for this please."

Jerry

Elaine: Come on. Let's go do something. I don't want to just sit around here. Wanna get something to eat?
Jerry: Where?
Elaine: I don't care. I'm not hungry.
Jerry: We could go to one of those cappuccino places. They let you just sit there.
Elaine: What are we gonna do there, talk?
Jerry: We can talk.
Elaine: I'll go if I don't have to talk.
Jerry: Then we'll just sit there.

Elaine: No, I'm staying here for the weekend. I'm getting a break from my roommate.
George: Oh, the actress-waitress.
Elaine: No, the waitress-actress.

The hot water takes a little while to come on. So, the best thing to do is to turn it on, do all your shopping, you come back and take a shower.

Jerry

Elaine: Excuse me, master packer!
Jerry: Yes.
Elaine: Just gimme your keys.

Response when he realizes his answering machine was taken:
Jerry: I hate the thought of someone out there returning my calls.

Seinfeld Season 1 Quotes

I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, okay? I I I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is. We want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car-horn honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. E-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh! This man is out of ideas. How does it? E-e-e-eeeehhhh! "I don't think she likes me." The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. Wherever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, okay, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene. That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like "Where to meet men?" We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

Jerry

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Seinfeld Season 1 Photos

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