Dolores: Oh, Jerry.
Jerry: Oh...you.

Kramer: Come on Jerry hurry I don't want to miss it.
Jerry: Let me finish my coffee. Then we'll go watch 'em slice this fat bastard up.

George: "Interest" - it's an amazing thing, you make money by doing nothing.
Jerry: I have some friends who base their lives on that very principal.
George: Really? Who?
Jerry: No one you know.

We'll open 'em up and saw through the bone...(imitates saw noise) Gneeerrrr! We'll see what's INSIDE bone!

Kramer

(Jerry is in his apartment, obliviously relating the day's events to George.)
Jerry: Over the balcony, bounced off some respirator thing into the patient!
George: What do you mean "into the patient?"
Jerry: Into the patient, literally!
George: Into the hole?
Jerry: Yes, the hole!
George: Didn't they notice it?
Jerry: No!
George: How could they not notice it?!
Jerry: Because it's a little mint. It's a Junior Mint.
George: W-ca-What did they do?
Jerry: They sealed him up with the mint inside.
George: They left the Junior Mint in him?
Jerry: Yes!
George: I-I guess it can't hurt him. People eat pounds of those things.
Jerry: Yes, they eat them. They don't put them next to vital organs in their abdominal cavity!

They're gonna cut him open. His guts'll be all over the place!

Kramer

Elaine: Did you hear that Jerry? He couldn't eat for weeks!
Jerry: (uncaring) That's terrible...

Kramer: Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint -it's delicious!
Jerry: That's true.
Kramer: It's very refreshing!

(George is intently watching "Home Alone")
Elaine: What's with him?
Jerry: You know, a lot of people have asked that.

(guessing his girlfriend's name) Mulva?

Jerry
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Produce section. Very provocative area. A lot of melons and shapes. Everyone's squeezing and smelling

Jerry

Y'know I remember when I was a kid growing up, kids would make fun of my name like you wouldn't believe - 'Jerry Jerry Dingleberry', 'Seinsmelled'

Jerry

Seinfeld Quotes

Let's face it, a date is a job interview that lasts all night. The difference between a date and job interview is not many interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end.

Jerry

Elaine: (referring to Dr. Reston) He's like a Svenjolly.
Jerry: Svengali.
Elaine: What did I say?
Jerry: Svenjolly.
Elaine: Svenjolly? I did not say Svenjolly.
Jerry: George?
George: Svenjolly. (licking some peanut butter off his finger)
Elaine: I don't see how I could've said Svenjolly.
Jerry: Well, maybe he's got, like, a cheerful mental hold on you.