Dolores: Oh, Jerry.
Jerry: Oh...you.

Kramer: Come on Jerry hurry I don't want to miss it.
Jerry: Let me finish my coffee. Then we'll go watch 'em slice this fat bastard up.

George: "Interest" - it's an amazing thing, you make money by doing nothing.
Jerry: I have some friends who base their lives on that very principal.
George: Really? Who?
Jerry: No one you know.

We'll open 'em up and saw through the bone...(imitates saw noise) Gneeerrrr! We'll see what's INSIDE bone!

Kramer

(Jerry is in his apartment, obliviously relating the day's events to George.)
Jerry: Over the balcony, bounced off some respirator thing into the patient!
George: What do you mean "into the patient?"
Jerry: Into the patient, literally!
George: Into the hole?
Jerry: Yes, the hole!
George: Didn't they notice it?
Jerry: No!
George: How could they not notice it?!
Jerry: Because it's a little mint. It's a Junior Mint.
George: W-ca-What did they do?
Jerry: They sealed him up with the mint inside.
George: They left the Junior Mint in him?
Jerry: Yes!
George: I-I guess it can't hurt him. People eat pounds of those things.
Jerry: Yes, they eat them. They don't put them next to vital organs in their abdominal cavity!

They're gonna cut him open. His guts'll be all over the place!

Kramer

Elaine: Did you hear that Jerry? He couldn't eat for weeks!
Jerry: (uncaring) That's terrible...

Kramer: Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint -it's delicious!
Jerry: That's true.
Kramer: It's very refreshing!

(George is intently watching "Home Alone")
Elaine: What's with him?
Jerry: You know, a lot of people have asked that.

(guessing his girlfriend's name) Mulva?

Jerry
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Produce section. Very provocative area. A lot of melons and shapes. Everyone's squeezing and smelling

Jerry

Y'know I remember when I was a kid growing up, kids would make fun of my name like you wouldn't believe - 'Jerry Jerry Dingleberry', 'Seinsmelled'

Jerry

Seinfeld Quotes

George: I like sports. I could do something in sports.
Jerry: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity?
George: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, that - that could be tough to get.
George: Well, it doesn't even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a colour man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
George: What about that?
Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.
George: Well, that's really not fair.
Jerry: I know. Well, okay. Okay. What else do you like?
George: Movies. I like to watch movies.
Jerry: Yeah. Yeah.
George: Do they pay people to watch movies?
Jerry: Projectionists.
George: That's true.
Jerry: But you gotta know how to work the projector.
George: Right.
Jerry: And it's probably a union thing.
George: (scoffs) Those unions. (sighs) Okay. Sports, movies what about a talk show host?
Jerry: Talk show host. That's good.
George: I think I'd be good at that. I talk to people all the time. Someone even told me once they thought I'd be a good talk show host.
Jerry: Really?
George: Yeah. A couple of people. I don't get that, though. Where do you start?
Jerry: Well, that's where it gets tricky.
George: You can't just walk into a building and say "I wanna be a talk show host".
Jerry: I wouldn't think so.
George: It's all politics.
Jerry: All right, okay. Sports, movies, talk show host. What else?
George: This could have been a huge mistake.
Jerry: Well, it doesn't sound like you completely thought this through.

Punk Dude: Hey Kramer, have you ever killed a man?!
Kramer: What do you think Junior? You think these hands - they've been soaking in Ivory Liquid?