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Elaine: When you're with a guy, and he tells you he has to get up early, what does that mean?
Jerry: It means he's lying.

Susan: (pounding on Kramer's door) Kramer! Kramer!
Jerry: What's that? What's going on?
Susan: Kramer, open up, I know you're in there!
Jerry: Susan.
Susan: Kramer!
Jerry: What is going on?
Susan: You know what's going on? First, he vomits on me! Then, he burns down my father's cabin! And now, he's taken Mona away from me!

(about "Rochelle, Rochelle") It's not even frontal nudity. It's, err sidal nudity.

George

(referring to the car) ThisTHINGhas got to be stopped!

Jerry

So, this morning, I go down to the garage to check the car out. I figure by this time, the odor molecules have had at least twelve hours to de-smellify. I open the car door, like a punch in the face, the stench hits me. It's almost as if it had GAINED strength throughout the night.

Jerry

Kramer: You "stink." Why don't you go take a shower?
Jerry: I showered! Oh, wait a second. Since I showered, I've been in the car.
Elaine: So?
Jerry: Don't you see what's happening here? It's attached itself to me! It's alive!

Jerry: Hey, I've never smelled in my life, buddy.
Restaurateur: Really? Well, I can smell you now.
Jerry: That's from the car!

George: (on Kramer) He stole your girlfriend?
Susan: Yes. She's in love with him.
George: Amazing. I drive them to lesbianism, he brings 'em back.

Jerry: Boy, do you smell something?
Elaine: Do I smell something? What am I, hard of smelling? Of course I smell something.
Jerry: What is it?
Elaine: I think it's B.O.
Jerry: What?
Elaine: It's B.O. The valet must've had B.O.
Jerry: It can't be. Nobody has B.O. like this.
Elaine: Jerry, it's B.O.
Jerry: But the whole car smells.
Elaine: So?
Jerry: So, when somebody has B.O., the O usually stays with the B. Once the B leaves, the O goes with it.

(finding out that his former girlfriend is a lesbian) Y'know, the funny thing is, somehow I find her more appealing now It's like if I knew she was a lesbian when we went out, I never would've broken up with her.

George

(to the restaurateur, who thinks Jerry has the BO) Well, then go out and smell the car, see which smells worse.

Jerry

George: Someone stole the video right out of the car!
Jerry: Someone stole Rochelle, Rochelle?
Restaurateur: Well, you left the window open.
Jerry: We had to air out the car.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 941 in total

Seinfeld Quotes

Elaine: (referring to Dr. Reston) He's like a Svenjolly.
Jerry: Svengali.
Elaine: What did I say?
Jerry: Svenjolly.
Elaine: Svenjolly? I did not say Svenjolly.
Jerry: George?
George: Svenjolly. (licking some peanut butter off his finger)
Elaine: I don't see how I could've said Svenjolly.
Jerry: Well, maybe he's got, like, a cheerful mental hold on you.

I can't get a massage from a man.

George